Its time... Since Zac passed my life has been standing still, and I have cried enough tears to fill the deepest oceans. I have to force myself to start living again before I get stuck in the dark hole Ive been hiding in for months. I have never had an ounce of quit in me- and, Im not about to start now. My plans for moving forward are already in motion... -Im leaving Sunday for a trip to Hawaii with a very dear friend. All thanks to an amazing organization for sending us on a dream vacation we both desperately need. -When I return from my trip, I will be going home to Texas. I had an amazing life there. I miss my job! I miss my Army family! I miss my friends there! I miss Texas! When I spent a week there after Zac died, I didnt want to leave. Its the closest thing to peace I have found. I know many people are upset with my decision to move back alone. I have always been a strong, and independent girl. The last year of my life shattered my soul, but my strength has only grown from it. I am capable of making it on my own. I have done it before, and I will do it again. This is not where I expected to be at this point in my life, but as Zac would say, it is what it is. This is my life now. The only choice I have is to LIVE it and see where God takes me. I found a place in Texas big enough for my Mississippi family & friends to visit any time. Ill also be coming back here to visit more often than I was before... Yall know I feel about slugburgers - that will always keep me coming back to Corinth! They are yummy! ;) - I will be returning to work at the WTB soon. You have no idea how happy this makes me! I miss everyone there...terribly! -Im starting school again (night/online classes) in the fall. Most nursing programs have already made selections. I will be taking a few more prerequisite classes that I need to complete my degree until the next nursing class starts. In a few years, I WILL be: Christy Gant, MSN, FNP, AOCNP This horrific life experience has only solidified my desire to become a nurse practitioner. And, Zac enlisted help to keep pushing me towards my goal- She is my friend, my rock, and my favorite nurse practitioner...I love you Ronja Cole! I love my Mississippi family and friends too! I hope you all know how much your kindness, generosity, & support after we returned to MS means to me. We felt the love from the entire community, and Im so grateful to all of you. So many people keep telling me not to make major decisions right now. I understand the concern behind those words, and appreciate it greatly. This is my life. I have to live it, and I have to live with it. If I make a mistake- I will learn from it. If I never try to do something I feel strongly about -I will regret it. I would much rather learn from a mistake than live with the regrets of not trying, or the what ifs that come with missed opportunities. If I have learned anything from this: life is far too short to waste time wishing & wanting. If I want my life back, I have take it back. Zac wanted me to be happy, by any means necessary. He made that abundantly clear when he tried to give a male ER nurse my phone number, and told him I would be single soon! Thankfully, the man thought Zac was joking...he was NOT. That was the first of several humiliating attempts to hook me up for the future before he died. But, thats a story for another day. Zac was definitely one of a kind... At the time, it stung a little. Looking back, I realize it was done out of love, concern, and genuinely wanting me to be okay. Happiness is a choice, and Im choosing to try to be happy again! I miss laughing & smiling. I know I will always have bad days mixed in with the good, but I will deal with those as they come just like I do now. I can finally see the sun peeking through the clouds that have been looming over my life for months. So please, be happy for me and wish me luck in whatever decisions I make for MY life, MY future, and MY happiness. Much love, Christy
Posted on: Wed, 21 May 2014 16:52:21 +0000
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