It’s hard to believe I’ve been living back home in Northern Ireland for three years, after my nineteen years in America! (It was three years on the 21st of Sep) So much has happened in that time it is hard to believe. My first year home I lost two of the most important wee people in my life; my wee Tiny girl who had been my heart and my life for her almost fifteen years of life, and my wee Granny Bertha McConnell. That was a tough pill to swallow, and were it not for the fact I had to hold it together for the rest of the babies, I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done. If that were not enough to begin with, I had my first car ever totalled whenever someone rammed into the back of me pushing me into the car in front and my car that I had just dropped a thousand pounds worth of work into and which had passed it’s MOT just two days earlier looked like an accordion in the middle of the road. It was a nightmare dealing with insurance companies and whatnot. It was a tough time. During all of this, especially the first two years I was dealing with terrible separation anxiety for my friends and “family” in America, and the life that I had known for the previous nineteen years. I was seriously pining and grieving over the loss I felt at having to leave; regardless of the fact I logically know I had to and was meant to, because I needed to be closer to my family who were always so worried about me being so sick and so far away where they knew I was struggling so bad. The whole experience in all honesty near broke my heart altogether. If not for bringing the babies home with me, I honestly don’t believe that I would even still be here today and that is the God’s honest truth. Though I have gone through so many tough life situations, I have grown as a person as a result of it. I have learned that there is always good that can come out of bad if I let it and don’t just get caught up in the bad. My second year wasn’t much easier than the first, having had to make the hard but right decision by my beloved awesome one of a kind cat Tigger put to her rest after she started having old age problems that would have led to her suffering, and I could not and would not allow that for her. She had too good a life whilst alive to die a slow painful death so that I could selfishly have her here longer with me. Both of these losses were hard on wee Teeny who had just lost her two lifelong buddies’ that she loved and adored, especially Tigger who she was particularly close with. I thought it would help her getting another dog at some point. I had not planned on getting one so soon, nor had I ever planned or even thought of EVER getting a Doberman of all things; but lo and behold here I sit with a giant dog by my side who I can’t imagine my life without now! She is the best dog in so many ways! I don’t think getting Precious or my wee rescue long haired Dachshund Billy really helped Teeny that much unfortunately. She tolerates them because she has to, but I don’t think she cares too much for them even though they love and adore her. She still wants nothing to do with them and is very much her own wee self and a loner who only wants to be with me. So yes here I sit and I reminisce on the time gone by, because I want to remember all the life lessons that I have learned to carry with me and pass along to anyone who cares to listen. I have a long way to go health wise and it will be an on going battle for the rest of my days, but the key is that I refuse to give in to it and let it take me out, which it could and would so easily if I just gave up and stopped fighting against it. All the wee animals that I have love, and care for are what spurs me on, even on the worst of days; and believe me; they are BAD and hard days to get through. Thank God too for my friends who love, support and encourage me, because it is their (your) help that also helps me get through and to keep on going whenever I feel like just giving up. I can’t do it because youse won’t let me, and my babies all thank you for that! ;) So this is a brief summary of these past three years gone by. Many other things have happened, but it would take a book to write them all out! I have hit mainly on the big ones to illustrate what it’s been like so far. I must make mention too of the fact that I was so very lonely and totally alone but for my one friend Diby my first two years back. I went from having a bunch of friends in America to absolutely none. It felt like being in a dark valley, and caused me to hate being home all the more. It didn’t help that I was having trouble with the young ones whenever I was walking my dogs round the park. That caused a lot of fear; worry, anxiety, and depression before it all finally died down and out to where things are much better now thank God, because I hated it. I hate discord with anyone or anything. Now I have other friends that I can see and talk to and that has made such a big difference as well, because I feel more a part of rather than the outsider I felt like whenever I first came back for quite some time. I will finish here because it’s as good a stopping point as anywhere! Bless you if you have made it this far! Lol! This was my best attempt at getting everything down as best I could! It’s hard to believe I’ve been living back home in Northern Ireland for three years, after my nineteen years in America! (It was three years on the 21st of Sep) So much has happened in that time it is hard to believe. My first year home I lost two of the most important wee people in my life; my wee Tiny girl who had been my heart and my life for her almost fifteen years of life, and my wee Granny Bertha McConnell. That was a tough pill to swallow, and were it not for the fact I had to hold it together for the rest of the babies, I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done. If that were not enough to begin with, I had my first car ever totalled whenever someone rammed into the back of me pushing me into the car in front and my car that I had just dropped a thousand pounds worth of work into and which had passed it’s MOT just two days earlier looked like an accordion in the middle of the road. It was a nightmare dealing with insurance companies and whatnot. It was a tough time. During all of this, especially the first two years I was dealing with terrible separation anxiety for my friends and “family” in America, and the life that I had known for the previous nineteen years. I was seriously pining and grieving over the loss I felt at having to leave; regardless of the fact I logically know I had to and was meant to, because I needed to be closer to my family who were always so worried about me being so sick and so far away where they knew I was struggling so bad. The whole experience in all honesty near broke my heart altogether. If not for bringing the babies home with me, I honestly don’t believe that I would even still be here today and that is the God’s honest truth. Though I have gone through so many tough life situations, I have grown as a person as a result of it. I have learned that there is always good that can come out of bad if I let it and don’t just get caught up in the bad. My second year wasn’t much easier than the first, having had to make the hard but right decision by my beloved awesome one of a kind cat Tigger put to her rest after she started having old age problems that would have led to her suffering, and I could not and would not allow that for her. She had too good a life whilst alive to die a slow painful death so that I could selfishly have her here longer with me. Both of these losses were hard on wee Teeny who had just lost her two lifelong buddies’ that she loved and adored, especially Tigger who she was particularly close with. I thought it would help her getting another dog at some point. I had not planned on getting one so soon, nor had I ever planned or even thought of EVER getting a Doberman of all things; but lo and behold here I sit with a giant dog by my side who I can’t imagine my life without now! She is the best dog in so many ways! I don’t think getting Precious or my wee rescue long haired Dachshund Billy really helped Teeny that much unfortunately. She tolerates them because she has to, but I don’t think she cares too much for them even though they love and adore her. She still wants nothing to do with them and is very much her own wee self and a loner who only wants to be with me. So yes here I sit and I reminisce on the time gone by, because I want to remember all the life lessons that I have learned to carry with me and pass along to anyone who cares to listen. I have a long way to go health wise and it will be an on going battle for the rest of my days, but the key is that I refuse to give in to it and let it take me out, which it could and would so easily if I just gave up and stopped fighting against it. All the wee animals that I have love, and care for are what spurs me on, even on the worst of days; and believe me; they are BAD and hard days to get through. Thank God too for my friends who love, support and encourage me, because it is their (your) help that also helps me get through and to keep on going whenever I feel like just giving up. I can’t do it because youse won’t let me, and my babies all thank you for that! ;) So this is a brief summary of these past three years gone by. Many other things have happened, but it would take a book to write them all out! I have hit mainly on the big ones to illustrate what it’s been like so far. I must make mention too of the fact that I was so very lonely and totally alone but for my one friend Diby my first two years back. I went from having a bunch of friends in America to absolutely none. It felt like being in a dark valley, and caused me to hate being home all the more. It didn’t help that I was having trouble with the young ones whenever I was walking my dogs round the park. That caused a lot of fear; worry, anxiety, and depression before it all finally died down and out to where things are much better now thank God, because I hated it. I hate discord with anyone or
Posted on: Wed, 25 Sep 2013 21:09:21 +0000
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