Ive always loved Valentines Day. Hallmark thanks me. Seriously though, who doesnt love LOVE? It’s such a delicious feeling. Im a lover. If I have loved you at one point in my life I still do. You know in the movie Elf when he says, Smiling is my favorite! Yep. Love is pretty much my favorite! Im pretty passionate about it. I know I usually write about Lydia, but today the love that her father and I share will be taking center stage. Of course they are both my valentines, but if I hadnt met Erik, there would be no Lydia. Now, thats a depressing thought! We all crave love. Its a human need. We would cease to be without it. Erik and I met over 12 years ago. I knew fairly quickly that this man was going to be a game changer for me. My search for love was over. He made me a better person. I wanted to be a better person for him. Weve been through a lot together, and I pray that we have a lot of time left together to face even more! Having Lydia has changed our love in so many ways. Those of you with children know what I am talking about. Our love immediately grew deeper, and new parenthood ripped it at its seems at the same time. Let me explain. Watching the man that you love, hold your daughter-become a father-it was a holy moment for me. Our love had created a person!! Watching the man that you love, snoring loudly as you deliriously breastfeed your baby for the 3rd time in a span of 5 hours-it was a homicidal moment for me. Im kidding. In Eriks defense he always changed her diaper and brought her to me at night. But in all honesty, who here remembers wanting to throttle your significant other over whos turn it was to change a diaper? Our petty arguments over who got more sleep the previous night are hilarious to think back upon! My transition from busy working teacher to isolated stay at home momma, who lacked validation, and his transition from busy principal to -get your ass home and help me as soon as you step through that door- clearly made it a rough time for loving each other. Wow, it was an adjustment. Then 6 months into new parenthood, when we were finally getting the swing of things-without warning, post partum anxiety/ocd/depression hit. I was lost, terrified, didnt know myself anymore, so I clung to Erik with all of my might and he clung back. God got me through that darkest of times in my life(and my family, friends, medication, therapy and POEM) but Eriks pure love and belief in me helped me more than I can ever thank him for. Believe me, Ive tried. Life is hard. Keeping a marriage healthy while raising a child is HARD. Maybe you have a child with special needs. Maybe you are desperately trying for a child. Maybe you have lost your child. Maybe you have three, and are asking what have we gotten ourselves into ;)? Perhaps, you are newly empty nesters. Maybe you are a single parent-May I just say that you are AMAZING! Whatever the case, once we have children our relationships change. We dont always get to choose how they change but we have a choice on what we do with that change. Right now, 50% of marriages end in divorce. I recently read a statistic that 80%..yes 80..of marriages that have a child with special needs end in divorce. Sounds defeating doesnt it? I knew the statistics. It was one of the thoughts that crept in my mind when we were knew our Lydia was developmentally delayed, that there was something very medically wrong. I thought, please dont let me lose Erik. Weve endured deaths, bumps in the road, infertility, metal illness, and now there is something wrong with our precious baby...please God, let us make it through. If you would have asked me what I want for Valentines Day 5 years ago, with a gleam in my eye, I would have said flowers, a romantic candlelit dinner somewhere, something material even and with sentimental links behind it. Yes, I can be somewhat demanding, ok?!? Today, of course Id happily accept any of those, but here is what is important: my marriage. I want Erik. I want to see him giving piggy back rides to Lyd as she squeals with delight around the living room. I want to come home after work to an open side door, and the smell of his cologne. I want to kneel beside him in Mass and share a giggle when Lydia tries to sing along to the songs. I want him to soften the blow when we get news that we dont want to hear. I want to look over in the middle of the night when he is peacefully sleeping and I am in the midst of my newest book and think, God what did I do to deserve such a beautiful man! I want to laugh at his bad jokes for the rest of my life. I want to lose my temper, cry and get disappointed with his faults without fear of losing him, because I know that sharing our frustrations will only make us stronger, if we still choose love. I dont want to be in the 80%. Its going to be hard. Tonight, we will go out to a romantic, candlelit dinner and movie, honestly, because my parents insisted on having Lydia over night, and I made enough money tutoring this month. We know that it is important to not lose touch. I will hold his hands, and look into his eyes that still shake me to my core. We will talk about the past, all of our Valentines Days, and how different they are now. We will talk about how much Lydias new braces will cost, and paperwork for ESY and how freakin cute our daughter is, because that is just what we do. We will ask each other where we see ourselves in 5-10 years because it is one of our favorite games and we will talk about babies because that is our heart, and hopefully our future. Our marriage is far from perfect, but we know we want each other. We will tell each other that we are still madly in love. The 18 year old and 19 year old that met at ODC are still deep down in there(ok my 18 year old body is friggin buried but hey, Im trying). We cant forget what brought us here...love. From our hearts to yours, Happy Valentines Day! Choose love. :)
Posted on: Fri, 14 Feb 2014 21:11:12 +0000
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