Ive asked some of the people who are on the fence -- people who participate between groups (NV and VoNV) and have also been studying those who are valiant supporters: 1) Some are themselves afraid to lose the privileges that certain specific members or the collective effort of group members affords them -- like volunteer help on a project. Labor is usually the most expensive thing on any project because it requires health and skill. So the help of a NVer (no matter how brief) is extremely valuable. 2) Some are afraid that confronting members of the group for their bad behavior will cause harm to a loved one. Some NV leaders come from wealthy families that employ a family member or friend. say the wrong thing to that NVer and someone could lose a valuable, life-sustaining job. 3) Some see what happens to people who demonstrate vulnerability -- and who dont also participate in abusing others, or who call out the abusive behaviors. Being abusive also means that they will gain status and also freedom from being a target of abuse. 4) Some arent getting enough support/solutions/privileges from people on this side of the fence. 5) Some have nothing to lose. They are used to the kind of vitriol that spews forth from NV. It has become normalized in the culture or in their communities. They dont really have a problem until they themselves get hurt. 6) Some take pleasure in hurting others or watching others get hurt. ....and maybe other things im forgetting or overlooking. as we come up with ideas to deal, its helpful to keep all this in mind. whats so tricky is that no real change happens unless personal relationships can be developed. personal relationships cant really be developed with someone who hates you. they just wont agree to spend the time.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 13:26:12 +0000
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