Ive been getting some PMs asking about how Abbey is. We are continuing to work with what we have and that is the same holistic medicine that Nick stayed strong on for so long. Using the same doctor and he has been working with me financially to some extent, knowing what we went through for 13 months with her brother. I cook continuously for her and she receives her medication mixed in her food twice per day. We had a little difficulty with eating about a week ago, but since then she has been a real sport and has even tolerated two increases in her oral medication while continuing to eat for me. She limps and carries her front leg most all of the time. It is not completely useless to her as she will stand on it and try to dig a good sleeping spot with it (you know, rearranging the bed!). The doc says that most likely, even if we do shrink the tumor under the scapula, she will probably always walk with a limp due to the damage that it has already done to the tendons and muscle in the area. She gets around okay as dogs do on three legs. Her balance issues and endurance at the moment is effected by the constant tramadol and gabapentin that I have been generously giving her because I do not want her in any pain. I was told to hold back a times in order to reevaluate that, and I have. I consider whimpering to mean pain and she will get the dose within the prescribed period when that happens. We are just in a pattern of existing and waiting to see if the medicine is going to work. I personally am fairly paralyzed by the whole unexpected situation and find myself in a continuation of a life we started back in 2012 with Nick. I sometimes wonder if I will ever know anything else again... and when I do, what will I do with all the time I now spend worrying and fretting and cooking and washing soiled bedding? I try to remind myself several times a day that my little girl is here for me to love on her and talk to her and have the time with her - that it is not a time to forget that there was ever any joy in this house. If I can look her in the eye, there should be joy. It is a struggle that has taken over a person who always found things to be thankful for in her life... optimistic in nature. Im not sure that I know that person any longer but maybe she will return one day. In the past week, I have opened myself up to searching for a puppy aireboy. It is a cautious search. It isnt a rushed search. It is me trying to think into the future and hopefully not disturbing the present. Alot of guilt is attached to not feeling like I have gotten to properly mourn my beautiful Nick... with almost an instant new crisis three days later... its just really a strange strange time for me trying to be strong and make good decisions and function at all, really. Thanks for being here. Thank you for putting up with my ramblings. One day I know I will wonder how I made it - and I will remind myself that it was all of you who helped me through.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 20:56:45 +0000
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