Ive been meaning to post for a while now. The holidays were tough. Special. But tough. On all of us. I think part of what made it hard for us this year was how busy things got on top of us trying to decide what we were going to try and attempt to bring back this year; as far as traditions go. Everything about traditions in our home are whole heartedly intertwined with Dani. She loved nothing more than the holidays and traditions, and made sure we were all on point 100% and missed nothing. She reveled in family time and blossomed with the joy of Christmas. So how could we do anything she loved so deeply without her? Last year Roy posted about how we kept things super small and reverenced Dani with a tiny memory tree and 1 small gift to each other (gifts which had something to do with Dani and that person). It was so painful, yet so very sweet. So as this last December dragged on, we had these burning questions to answer: Do we repeat last year? Do we do a tree? Do we put up all the decorations? Do we bring Santa gifts back? What about all our other traditions? We decided that instead of going fully back to our old traditions or making brand new ones, we sort of improvised upon the old ones that we felt we could take on. It kind of felt like we were discovering ways to do all the things Dani cared about most in a manner which we all could handle. Sometimes this meant that our actions never fully lived up to our intentions. So what if our kids special yearly tree ornaments laid out on our coffee table for almost an entire month waiting for us to have the strength to go together as a family to pick up a tree to hang them on. So what if we waited until less than a week before Christmas before we came to realized that Roy would never be able to find the strength he needed to do such a simple yet massively painful activity; picking out a tree without his baby. So what if, while Roy crashed in his room in sadness (as he did most nights that month), only me and 3 of the kids agreed that we would just do it without Roy and save him the pain of it all! So what that it was not our normal big beautiful tree, but instead a short, fat, goofy, and almost dead tree (which we all agreed Dani would get a kick out of). So what that we fumbled our way until the very last possible day we could to pick out Santa gifts for our precious children (who were very humbly expecting nothing at all). So what that our attempts at many things were only feeble wishes. So what? We made it through. Our kids made it through. And we made it as special as we could even in our sadness an longing. We made it through, even with busy work schedules, basketball games, church callings, concerts, a funeral for Roys beloved grandpa, getting super sick, and celebrating 4 birthdays (Roys, Mine, Skyes, and Coltons ... with Hazels topping it all off this Friday). We made it through and we made it through together. It was actually very touching to see our kids celebrate Christmas knowing that Dani was most likely watching over us, that she was proud of us, and happy that we were finding some measure of joy in the simplest things that made her most happy. I even overheard the kids discussing how much they felt Dani, and how this Christmas couldnt have been more perfect, so we must have done something right. So as we are just now starting to shake off the holidays. I feel like I can look back and reflect instead of holding on for dear life, dreading every hard moment and each new memory being made without our beautiful Dani. We had many blessings sent our way, and many inspiring acts of kindness to help ease our burdens. Neighbors and friends (even our awesome FB group friends) helped to bring a smile so often, that there is not enough room to write about them all. Here are a few more tangible type of gifts from amazing people that brought us much joy... We love you all and thank you for your prayers this past year and appreciate your continual support!
Posted on: Wed, 07 Jan 2015 18:36:01 +0000
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