Ive been quiet on here. Ive had work to do and much work still to come. If you have half a care, there is an old school Pure Will style blog post below. If you have half a care but cant be bothered reading, the first two paragraphs hold the message for tonight. I write this near to tears. Such a small act. Such a minor move. So much behind it that brings a complex bundle of feelings to the fore. Tonight I can announce weve signed a lease for the home that will very shortly be the Pure Will Fitness & Strength Studio. Thats the conclusion that I offer first so you can leave the rest - its a long read after all. I would just say that if youve been in my life, whether you remain in it or not, thank you. For tears, love and laughter, I thank you. To fallen comrades, I miss you and mourn you. One day well meet again. To family, my ma, my pa, sisters, nieces, nephews, uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins and more, you are so much more to me than my actions will ever show. I love you. And I thank you. Why the emotion? Because I give a damn. I truly give a red hot, heavy hearted, frustrated with delays, damn about other peoples lives. About the insecurity and burdens that weight and disease bring on all of us. Mostly Im pissed off about the unfathomable loss of potential of a species distracted by arse shaking, collection and consumption. We are, collectively, better than that. Theres more. Im emotional because I never thought it would happen and for near half my life this has been a secret dream. Because for the past four years Ive failed. Failed to build. Failed to persist. Failed to lead and enlist to my cause. Failed to succeed. I feel a tightness in my chest now because everything could fall apart in a heap of failure. Its all that and one more; because, humble as this beginning is, I worked ridiculously hard to get here. When youre set on a path and have had no training, experience or exposure to another, you just try and lay new tracks for a new trajectory. Remember, these are tracks to a destination that youve never seen, tracks you dont know how to build and its a place you dont know the way to. Pure Will was a hidden hope so many years ago. It hardened and clarified but remained undefined. It became a blog, a diary, an open forum of my life, all of it shared honestly and without modification. It became one mans failed attempt at business. And is now a very real, very effective vehicle for change. This has been the scariest, most costly and most fantastic time of my life. And it only gets better. Ive been my own leader, marching to the beat of my own drum and accepted all consequences for my decisions. I dare you to take control of your life in totality and still defy my claim that it is the hardest thing you can ever do. Its also the greatest. By all accounts I was probably set to become a fat Minister of government or greedy defence lawyer. Thats if I didnt end it all by my own hand. I am, instead a Trainer. Proud. Passionate. Knowledgeable. Experienced. Here to serve and with an inner roar that will not be silenced. Thats now. Back then, in the begging, there was despondency and inevitability. A sense of duty, martyrdom and fear of doing anything but what I thought I must. Thats what drove me elsewhere at first. I studied, which was hard work mind you, graduating with my Law degree and my Economics degree. Honestly earned these were, and despite some initial resentments, I realise they serve me well. A career I chased next. A career to pay for things. Cars. Property. Toys. You see, I had been developing a model life. A picture perfect life. With no worries and no true cares. A marriage I dived into, definitely for the wrong reasons. Contracts I signed, full of bravado and arrogance. Intertwined throughout all those movement was emptiness. It had grown over time, along with anger, regret, fear and jealousy. This I ignored while I focused on the jobs at hand. Until it became unbearable. The weight of bleakness grew dangerously. Have you ever held a knife to your wrists so you could acclimatise to the feel of steel on such a vulnerable and sensitive area of your body? Have you ever dared yourself to drag it down and across, to feel the sharp sting before its enveloped in the warmth and the saltiness. It would be like a sigh, a light breeze, so comforting, so relaxing, surely. As it turns out, my mother and father raised a fighter. A reluctant revolutionary who will take the hits and accept the bullying only so far. Were scrappers at heart, us Linds. A humanist I am, I believe in you all, but not so much that you can destroy or harm what is near to my heart and at the final light of day we will always fight rather than see evil take the night. And so I fought back. Not against the world, that had been my mistake all along. It wasnt you or anyone else that was the problem. No one owed me a thing. It was me I had to face. My inner bully who had caged my true self, torturing and teasing, laughingly believing there would never be a change. So I battled against worthlessness. Against my own lack of contribution to society. Against my own self that had caged my hopes. Against my ingrained beliefs that had directed my actions and decisions. Against my own evils. I quit my job. I started to believe in the unbelievable again. I went searching the best of me. I had no idea how naive and unprepared for the real world I was. Here you have a lad who grew up with a broad demographic of friendships groups. I maintain I had then, and still do have, a realists view of the world. Life had taught me some lessons, and I had read between the thousands of lines of reading during my university studies. You dont come out from studying Law and Economics without seeing the way people really operate. Yet, as I always tell my clients, theres a difference between knowing and understanding. I knew, but understood nothing. I have in my three short decades on this planet actually been many things, for always am what I do. I can exist no other way. I dont play at things and I dont experiment. I grow bored too quickly that way. Rather, I am all or nothing, in everything. This has served me well in some respects, but it has also broken my heart many times over. In these past few years I have done more, screwed up more, seen more, been more, touched, smelt and experienced more, than ever before. And I arrive now at a precipice, where the last shreds of safety lines will be severed and there is no turning back. Im no buddha or saint. I am no devil or demon. I am both and neither. I am a hypocrite. I am human. So I say to you now, the life is in the living. The colour is in the ups and the downs. The sound in the thrill of the chase, the near miss and the capture. Life is movement and change. There is no maintenance. There is no stability. There is no control. I am what I think. I am what I open my mind to. My world is how I perceive it. So fight. You go and scrap, hustle, bite, spit and claw your way through the jungle that is life, because that is living. Know that the ultimate battle, your greatest enemy, thats you. Dont take it out on anyone else. Confront yourself. Defy yourself. When youre ready for the winning stroke, it comes not in violence or physicality. It comes with simple forgiveness. Forgive the world for being cruel. Forgive yourself for failing to meet expectations. Forgive yourself for being so mind blowingly fantastic yet so blind to the extent of it. Forgive unfairness and injustice. Forgive the universe for its complexity. Forgive fear, anger and hate. Let it go. Life is a jungle. It really is a fight. Thats not a bad thing. Nor is good. It is just a thing. There is a passion burning here, one that only burns brighter with age. My purpose is to spread a message, one that is raw and real. Without glitter or varnish, my message is unfinished and frustratingly simple. It is one you will hear if you listen long enough, but now is not the time. To my beautiful wife, my Queen, my Princess, my heart, Bernadette Arlene Lind, I love you. Together we are shifting lives and together we will change our own. This is our greatest adventure yet. Hoist the flag, throw off the mooring lines, raise the sail, we have the con. I finish with a plea, that you not submit to fear, that you dont accept complacency or mediocrity. At the same time, accept your mortality and dont fight the strain of time. You will die. We will all die. Immortality is a myth. The good life comes in accepting your brilliance alongside your worthlessness. This inherent juxtaposition cannot be resolved. Accept it. Submit to it. In summary, I bid you all to get over it, and hustle...
Posted on: Tue, 25 Nov 2014 06:53:20 +0000
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