Ive been reaching for some fragments of a time long past. Clinging to the memory of happiness rather than searching for it. Weak minded I admit but I fear i never really learned what closure truly was. The thought of letting go of better days scares me. But the thought of waiting on false glory is like a pestilence deep within. Eating at whats left of what was once a good heart. A glimmer of hope shines through with a revelation brought on by wisdom. We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light - Plato. So long the darkness became a place to hide from the light rather than a place to learn to appreciate the light. Far too long tomorrow has been snuffed by yesterday. The lines between nostalgia and refusing to let go crossed. Memories are a great way to bring happiness on those dreary days. But the double edged sword of it is, its also a way to paralyze any further progress you might make. Choose wisely the ones you pick to brighten your mood. Will they do more good than harm? A change in memory is needed for me. Or at least the things I choose to take from those memories. Its hard to distinguish what lessons to learn from a situation. But I know Ive finally found the pattern. A reasoning behind the way I feel inside. Now to shake things up Ill try finding a different lessons in the mistakes Ive made. Changing if onlys into next time I wills. Releasing the anguish Ive grown accustomed to. Letting fear guide me rather than restrict me. Lifes been a burden rather than a blessing far too long. Paradise a prison, insecurities the norm. My fear had manifested itself into figurative shackles. Not allowing me the freedoms for which I crave. I must venture past my comfort zone now into a realm of opportunities and reconciliation with myself. What awaits me is knowingly uncertainty but its better than what Ive learn to be certain. If i remain this brooding mess Ill still be where Ive been these past few years. Stuck in an emotional time loop, doomed to repeat the same agonies over and over. Heed warning though. As I grow close to some and more as a person my pseudo connections with most will be cut at the source of infection. Allowing me for once a true chance to heal.
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 07:52:39 +0000
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