Ive been sitting here tonight, trying to figure out what my feelings really are today..it has been 6 months today, that Earl left me here to continue on alone...I know that I still miss and love him deeply, but I also feel relief that he no longer suffers, then I feel guilt about feeling relief... I feel less stressed without dealing with his daily care, but feel guilty thinking my life is somewhat easier, even though lonelier... my life goes on each day and I wish he were still part of it, but I dont wish him back in his previous health... I feel like a part of me is gone, and as I try to fill the void, I feel guilty for filling that space....I feel like my feelings are all mixed up, but I know I must and will go on...I know he would not want me to feel guilty as I would not want him to, if the roles had been reversed...the last 6 months have been some of the toughest I will ever face, tears flow, but not everyday...I have great family and friends to fill the void at times, but the void is never full, and we share memories often of times we have known and he is always with us...I move forward each day and rejoice in the times we shared and in the times I will spend now with our family and grandchildren, and I know he is watching them grow and smiling at there antics, even my daycare boy said the other day, he bets Earl has an omelette everyday, cooked by the best chef, he used to have an omelette for breakfast with Earl most mornings.... times are sure changing, and my feelings sure get mixed up...but I know Ill miss and love you always Hun
Posted on: Fri, 15 Aug 2014 00:36:18 +0000
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