Ive often thought that the milonga is, in many respects, a microcosm of the world, a kind of miniature society, a Leviathan in tadpole form. If we wished, we could see it as a kind of low-stakes practice game to prepare us for the more hazardous gambles of real life, a kind of experimental model in which to test out our theories, try out different attitudes and behaviours, at lower risk than in real life. Because, in tango, as in our working lives, as in our love lives, we need other people for our fulfilment. We cant dance alone. And many of us have one overriding desire: to dance with the people who give us the most pleasure out there on the floor -- for *whatever* reason that might be. But in tango, as in other areas of life, the other people have their own wishes and priorities and there is no easy way to force them to serve our needs. We have two basic options. On the one hand, there is the big bad wolf approach: the huffing and puffing about cliques and snobs and choosy women and pretty arrogant boys; the whinging and complaining; the attempts to pressurise, bully or guilt-trip; the judgemental accusations of lookism, ageism -- favouritism, in short, of all kinds; the envy; the sulky resentment; recourse to the complaint its not fair. And on the other hand, there is the attempt to offer something others will freely choose: to work on your own dancing, to focus on being as good a dance partner as you can, to keep a positive attitude, to acknowledge that you simply cant win them all, even if you believe you are exceptionally deserving (dont we all believe that we are exceptionally deserving)? Bear in mind, that a tanda is not one of the basic human needs. You will be perfectly fine if you dont dance those Di Sarlis with The Enrosque Emperor. And if you cannot cope with his blank-eyed lack of response to your longing mirada, with her no thanks when you gingerly request a tanda, how will you ever deal with being made redundant from the job whose income you so badly need, being left by the wife you were so much in love with, hearing the doctor pronounce the cancer diagnosis? Make no mistake, my friends. The milonga is the practice run, the dry ski slope, the shallow end of the pool. But you can use it as a training ground to help you hone the kinds of skills you will need to cope with the rejections and disappointments life will throw at you, if you wish. You can use it for self-development. Or you can go on moaning and complaining about cliquey men and snobby women. Its your choice.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 21:48:11 +0000
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