Ive really been missing my children lately. I talked with Xaq and Eli yesterday, briefly, wanted them to know Ive been thinking about them and miss them dearly. The days and nights are often slow and lonely when my eternal family is not together and back again in our family home. Though Ive silenced my prayers regarding my pleading to God to bring my children back home, never to be taken away from me again, I often wonder if He still hears the cries and longings of my heart in this same manner. I dont know that I had ever understood what the phrase patience in LONG suffering meant, until five and a half years ago. I still do not consider myself a patient person (so to speak). But, since that time, Ive become more acquainted with grief, sorrow, disappointment and loneliness than at any other point in my life. These experiences have commanded patience, compelling me to be much more patient than I previously dreamed possible for one such as myself. Yet, I must admit that deep down, at the core of my soul, I seem to know, and finally to better understand, what Job meant when he said, Though slay ME, yet will I trust in ... also shall be MY salvation, (Job 13:15-16). And what Jesus Christ meant when He said, I have drunk out of that bitter cup which hath given ME, and...I have suffered the WILL of ..., (3 Nephi 11:11) Though I firmly believe that we ALL knew what we were getting ourselves into before we experienced mortal birth into this world, I also believe that we could not have possibly estimated the power or depth of the impact lifes experiences would have brought upon us, our spirits, our hearts or our bodies and our souls. I often read the words of Jesus Christ when I feel particularly sad, depressed, down, or lonely, and they help to remind me that He was also brought, by the will of the Father, to the brink threshold and extent of His own willingness, when He spoke the words, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death and O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me and if it be possible, let this cup pass from me. Some things are simply NOT possible. No, NOT even to God, Himself. Hebrews 6:4-6 has strengthened my faith in God, and the Eternal truth that dictates to Him the laws, limits and restrictions by which He must operate and conduct His divine work of Salvation and Exaltation. These verses testify that, despite the end, the width, the height, the depth, and the misery of hell (D&C 76:48), which suffering caused...even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit (D&C 19:18), there are still many that will never repent for their sins, nor feel true penitence, remorse or Godly sorrow for their sins. It is these who are exposed to the whole law of the demands of justice, and upon whom the full weight of the laws of eternal justice will have claim (Alma 34:16 and Alma 42:24) Though agency is the power by which they would be saved and exalted, via a simple WILLingness to receive the free gift of His infinite, eternal and unconditional grace, mercy and everlasting forgiveness, there is a power greater than agency, by which agency itself is exercise, and the pure authenticity of THAT power, which determines the results of agency, often chooses misery and captivity over the peaceful fruits of happiness and freedom and joy. Im grateful for the perfect and flawless plan of authenticity and self-discovery, authored by a perfect Father who is infinite in His knowledge, wisdom and understanding. My faith and trust in Him has grown exponentially in the last five and a half years, thanks to the experiences that I have suffered, according to His will. There is a difference between KNOWing the path, and WALKing the path, and when adversity comes to reveal who and what we TRULY are, agency becomes more of a vehicle of revelation and manifestation of authenticity, than a power to choose from a list of options. The true SELF comes screaming to the surface, from the center and core of our being, when adversity, challenge and hardship call for authenticity to be revealed and manifested, in that hour of Gods choosing. As has been accurately said, Fate RARELY calls upon us at a moment of OUR choosing.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 20:15:25 +0000
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