Ive recently found myself revisiting memories that are often - TopicsExpress

Ive recently found myself revisiting memories that are often buried so deep I forget they were once real. I can honestly tell you there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think of him, that I dont deeply miss him, but there are plenty of days that I dont think about those last two weeks. However, a series of conversations over the past few days has ultimately led to their recollection.. I think back to those last days and I am in awe of my oblivion. I think back about them now, and I realize how dire the circumstances were. He was so, so sick. Part of me wonders how I didnt see it. Part of me wonders what it would have been like to sit at his bedside and actually understand what was about to happen. Was I delirious? Was I in denial? Call it what you want, but I wholeheartedly believe I was protected. When I allow myself, I can sit and chase the inevitable rabbit trail in my mind with extreme clarity. Monitors, blinking lights & countless fluid lines fog my vision. Forgotten CT scans in the middle of the night, ultrasound guided blood draws and hoards of doctors. Masks and gowns were donned by all after the discovery of an additional virus. Scanty meals were eaten on the run. Cat naps were taken out of sheer exhaustion and my refusal to sleep at night. My world learned to revolve around the next test result, the next white blood cell count and the constant blood pressure monitor. So how did I not see it? Was I delusional in my thinking that he could actually walk out of there? No. You see, I serve a mighty God. I serve a God that absolutely could have healed Bobbys body, and sent him walking out of that hospital. I knew that, but I also knew that above all else His will would be done. I am thankful for His hand of protection. I am so, so thankful for the great love that allowed me to completely submerge myself in Christ. I am thankful for the oblivion & for the hope. I am thankful that I did not spend those two weeks in total angst. I am thankful that I walked through those two weeks nearly on a cloud. I am thankful for the unending love & for the well of joy that never runs dry. Wow. What a mighty God we serve.

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