Ive sent messages to CB, JP, CaB and some others. They are in their folders. I forgive. They do not have to be friends with me. It is their choice. I have too much to do and am a long way off. I will not understand, ever, how it comes about that the ones who do wrong become the cops? You never wanted to cheat, never thought of it, did not need to. Someone calls you a stupid person, a cheat, in front of everyone, says you do not have enough sense to do the work, not enough sense to know what cheating is, and cheats by sticking something you do not need, want, and did not ask for in your face and slandering you to everyone. The instructors, boss, etc., do not want to discipline the one doing it, do not want to keep them after class although it is not even questionable that they did it and it was their idea. It would mean disciplining their favorite friends, students, employees and dignifying you as a human being as being wrong and slandered, defamed, insulted. Furthermore, they do not not want to know why. Ignore you. Then the others go off and tell that you cheated, you were the cop. Your grades getlowered, your reputation ruined. No . I did not have a character disorder. I knew right from wrong and wanted and took pride in doing my own work, pride that God gave me a brain and given half a chance I could do as well as the others and usually did. Shut out of many things. I am the wronged, they run me out of church, school, college and then I am the outsider. Ruined. They keep it up and never shut up. Claim to be Christians, some in my own church denomination and definitely not living by Gods word. Not our doctrine to use entrapment, slander, defamation of character. They are accepted, I am not. I forgive, they do not, but I was the wronged. I forgive. I have problems forgetting. I have an excellent excellent memory going back to before I was three years old,. way way back. It is ok. Forget it. I see my old music teacher, fundamentals of music only, freom hs. This was a class where someone stuck something in my face that I did not ask for. I did not need it. I believe those of us who were not music majors were not expected to describe symphonic music which we never heard before nor had access to, in terms such as third movement, strings vs this or that. We could use amateur terms and emotional terms to describe feelings if asked for, that is what I did. Goes back to elementary school when I learned every song I knew on that tonette and the guy pretended to tape me because he came at lunch time when he knew I would be gone. Once again, I had done nothing wrong, was not the cause of the problem, but the scapegoat. I played Red River Valley, really fast, due to nervousness over the tape recorder, stage fright. I was shy. Harassed and harassed over this. I do not know why. More of that stuff that I was going to disappear from the earth. She stuck it into my face, I am getting sick of this. This is the second time, well third if you count that filthy poem. I took it and in front of God and everyone copied it so they could not deny doing it. He ignored me, made fun, said I had psychic ability. I do not, and that is the occult, and that is against my religious beliefs. They also told me we were meeting to decorate for the prom and caused me to miss classes. Much ridicule. I had not just found out I had a brain. Actually, I had lowered my score on an IQ test, deliberately. It is down from elementary school. So, their theory that I just learned I had a brain, and just decided I wanted to go to college is shot. Been saying since lower elementary I am going to college. Going to be a nurse. They ruined it. Took it away with this craziness. All thorugh hs I was mocked and ridiculed , passed over, insulted. Hurt. I was a Christian and living a Christian life, trying my best to be a good citizen, a Christian. Everything possible done to sabotage everything I did. Again, tearing down my achievments, accomplishments. Lying on me. I enjoyed his class. Waste of a credit that I could have surely used for something else. Had enough electives. Needed that. I did not make up my schedules. I know now why and how that came about. Does not matter at this late date. Just know this, I knew what cheating was, did not ever want to , need to do it, and resented the implications and insinuations, same as in college when I had an A going and someone offered me her husbands papers. Not Christian. Jesus Christ did not use entrapment, did he. I worked with his wife for a while, well two years. Did not want that job. I DID NOT have a copy of the steno test. I said that in another post. A caseworker assumed I wanted to work there, did not. Wanted to go civil service. Then another , to steal my thunder, gave me an old typing test. I typed 80 wpm with few errors, already. Did not need that. She , as all of them, thought I was a joke. Passed over. Retarded I guess. Barely any work to do. God forbid I learn my job, might transfer out of there which I surely would have done , far as I could go. Longest loneliest years of my life. Turned everyone against me. Then the horrible forget it. That, too, they did to me. Knew about. M
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 02:26:46 +0000
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