Ive shared a few videos of my singing on my personal profile. In my opinion, they suck. The lighting, me, my voice, the whole thing should burn. But Im my own worst critic. So, whatevs. And speaking of my own worst critic, I happen to be a very type-A personality. Which can come in handy when running a household with 7 Littles. But it also means I cut myself no slack. Ever. I tell myself tears and whining and breaks and such are for pansies. Sacrifice is what I am good at. Power through, chin up, march onward. Help others because there is ALWAYS someone in more need than myself. Until some stupid shit like Postpartum Depression/Anxiety gets in my way and no matter how hard I try to kick that shit under the rug it keeps tripping me up and making me feel weak and frustrated. I went nose to nose with that shit last week. Did a lot of yelling and door slamming and crying. Realized how close I was coming to throwing in the towel, to leaping off the ledge, to giving in to the defeat inside of myself. Reached a point I had to decide if I was going to give up entirely on life in general or start putting myself first. Because either it was going to end me or I was going to end it. No one but Snarky Dude knew how close I came. So. I made a choice. And no magic happy ever after bullshit happened. Life just kept happening. And I had to start learning to say NO. Which I hate. But Im working on getting better. Which is why sometimes my posts are scarce and I dont reply to your PMs.. Because I am trying to be a healthy ME. For myself first, for my babies second. Ill get back there. Eventually. So, I have to do what I have to do to get better. And I am. Sometimes it is easy. Sometimes it is hard as hell. All I can do is keep breathing.
Posted on: Sat, 10 Jan 2015 05:40:54 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015