Ive spent the last six hours contemplating some posts regarding Robin Williams suicide and depression. While it is understandable according to their religious teachings, suicide is a mortal sin. Suicide is a choice, however dealing with depression is similar to being gay. Its not something anyone asks for or can just choose not to, they are wired differently than you, it cant be helped, it is who they are..... it is who i am and have been. I write this to help for greater understanding, because if you havent lived it its hard to understand. Its not something that just goes away for everyone. Some can get successfully through their troubled times and never have it triggered again. For myself ive dealt with it for 17 years since the time my grandfather died and still battle today. The thoughts in your head defy logic and reason. Things can be going fine and something can trigger a downturn quite quickly. During your lowest lows no matter how much it doesnt make sense, you just want to give up, next to nothing makes it better. Some will call thoughts of suicide selfish, but to battle yourself and your pain it can become unbearable. You are trapped inside your own head with no way out. Almost Seven years ago, my parents had to take my gun out of my house and almost had me committed for fear of taking my life. I lost 30lbs in ten days and didnt sleep, much like losing my grandfather, everything that was meaningful walked out with my ex fiance. Ive even pushed away an amazing woman or two that have been perfect, but my mindset wasnt able to handle those feelings. How is it controlled? This is not something you just get over or because someone says to stop, things will just get better. Some can take pills, for me it only made things worse. The best medicine has been my mom, Cory, and friends, both in the past and in the present. Being able to get things off my chest even if it seems like complete nonsense to someone else can lift a huge weight off their shoulders. Direction to give them is not always a bad thing, the important thing is how it is implied. Next to my friends for making things not nearly as rough, what kept me from doing it was my mother and at that time my niece. The focusing on the feeling as what it would do to her and being with Jamie everyday as a baby, was my entire reason to keep going. Today its still mom and now all the lil Helmlettes. I try to find humor even through pain. Writing and even posting things on facebook helps keep things on an even keel, even with the ribbing from Daniel Cowan, B.j. Cook, and Paul Soulia, the keep the entertainment and humility in check. What does this all mean? Some posts bothered me, on how it was just an actor that took his life, there are more important issues in the world. Maybe, but i can guarantee this outpouring of emotion and conversation has opened some eyes and even saved lives. I know ive been on both sides of it. Keep conversation going, some times it takes so little to have such an impact on someone elses life, i know these people did.
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 05:28:37 +0000
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