Ive spent the majority of the past week dirtside and focused on getting my affairs in order (choosing which and what I will be offering up for sale, setting up simple systems for the family during Jessicas next school term that will proffer even less time for domesticity, and cleaning up the remains of the past term), and in that time I have suffered four minor joint injuries. I had my right knee cap pop to the left for a fraction of a second on Tuesday; making walking rather uncomfortable for a few days. My left shoulder got stuck partially out of socket during my sleep; I woke with both pain and numbness and in a difficult position to remedy while being numb. I turned my left ankle on a toy (turning my ankles appears my most habitual hobby) in the middle of the night. And yesterday, while working with Alex Kirk Amen to clean up the entryway to our building, my right elbow popped out backwards. As I increase my physical activities I run risk of further minor injuries which will exacerbate the fibromyalgia, and yet if I dont increase my activity the fibromyalgia gets worse on its own. Its hard to admit shit like this to ones self. It has a similar emotional impact as defeat, only permanent. I am fairly well adapted to dealing with the setbacks and my partner is great support, so these physical and emotional realities are managed for the most part. What I am actually taking from this is rather harder to swallow. It is opportunity ignored. Despite my many pleas with my parents (I had wanted to go to clown school) and nursing secret wishes throughout my first half of my life, I missed my calling. Had I the support and discipline when younger to actually join a circus, I would probably be both healthier and more financially stable. Shoulda been a side show freak leaves a weird taste in ones mouth... Regardless, I continue. There are more chores to do, furniture to move, computers to build... I will say this though, if Felix continues to show signs of hypermobility and hyperelasticity (its difficult to tell for sure with wee ones because of their natural limberness) I will push for martial arts and circus training. He will have the opportunities I missed. ;)
Posted on: Sat, 29 Mar 2014 17:16:16 +0000
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