I’m headed out the door in 40 minutes to be in drag again. Wear my costume. Playing a role for the last time as an ATL at Whole Foods Market. But also not playing a role because it is indeed my life, where I am, present-- moment to moment—working the final day of my 2 weeks notice and onward with wings on (literally) into my next adventure in the morning. It’s been interesting to work indoors, witnessing and observing. Being wild and new (again) to corporate structure that appeals to the senses in more casual ways. The greater truth is that this ride hasnt been easy. I create situations where women are not at ease around me…not the wild, strangely creative, atypical, raunchy, free spirited, or unconventional type women but more so women who are rather normal in their American convictions, thinking, and how they relate to love/life/everything. I become uncomfortable, uneasy too. Why does this continue to show up for me? Is there a part of me Im running from? I used to be really normal growing up, I was an AKA and a part of Toastmasters for crying out loud, lol and I have 3 degrees. My birth name is April because daddy asked mum to change it so I would not get picked on like he had--April is pretty normal; she owned a house WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE (seriously!) and had a fiance whose name is Clifford. Am Im a bit fearful of this wild, gypsy life Im living inside of? Do I indeed think I’m better than her and can be aggressive when giving directives as one co-worker (I almost mentioned her race, but I am bending between that illusion ) tearfully shared to the store leader? I had questions in this Louisiana social experiment (thanks China writing those words). What if everyone looked at all situations like social experiments? Would the heart become so taxed then? Why am I asking myself these questions on my final day--does it really matter at this point? Because-- I feel deeply—anything/most things--I didn’t sleep well for like a week after hearing about their discomforts. At the point I was called into the leadership office and told that 1 of my team members complained that I was aggressive (teehee, Im not such a fruitcake after all), I knew that they had no idea that I was submitting my 2 weeks notice the next day. Im only on temporary assignment (as all of life is a series of these yummy assignments) but there is a lot to learn about myself and others, and I can always learn more about love. By the way when the store leader told me that, I cried.... to her. LOL! The ability to receive is orgasmic, as tears and orgasms are one in the same: The Great Releases. The way that I look at life now, I rarely see other people as wrong particularly in how they relate to me. If I do see them as wrong, it usually lasts for about 10 minutes, then I get back on my throne as I love to say to friends, meaning I take my power back. I love to trust what shows up and challenge myself to dig deeply and recreate something new or whatever it is I really want, then trust what shows up to facilitate soft and radical transformations. What happens I wondered if I indeed truly love the coworker, as her ATL/coworker and was really authentic about that love? What would that love like? So I did; I energized my heart-- felt all brands of forest green light around me and *invited* her spirit to receive that light…not to be confused with imposing the light onto her as if I KNOW that’s indeed what she wants and MOST IMPORTANTLY needs at that time. I admit to my ego that I never know what any other persons needs in their life journey. I vision myself caring about her more, smiling if she frowned, side stepping any illusion back into love. I wore my bangin’ ass huggin’ green skirt with my wonderwoman clog shoes, going from 5’7 into tightly straddling 5 9 in one breath. I know the power of wearing green and how it soothes the heart and nourishes the breasts and how breasts nourishes others in sight, touch, sound and/or suck. What I know now is the energy between us wasn’t so intense my final 10 days. She seemed a bit at ease..easier. She even says goodbye when she leaves before me. What I know is that my REM sleep resumed the same night I energized my heart. We didn’t talk much, but I felt like we were just simply.... feeling…that’s perfect for me. Today’s my last day. What if we hugged goodbye? I wonder what that would look and most importantly feel like? This took 20 m inutes to write, Im going be late for the first time. But who cares, its indeed my last day. YA!
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 13:21:25 +0000
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