I’m often baffled by my first thought. It’s as if there’s - TopicsExpress



          

I’m often baffled by my first thought. It’s as if there’s this other guy in my head who jumps into any situation by starting with, “Don’t worry, I got this one.” I promise you, he never does. He seems to be ruled by fear and self-interest. What stuns me is he is me! No matter how much I work on myself there is this guy in there who doesn’t trust anyone and believes that it’s every man for himself. A guy who is totally reactive to what is going on around him. So, it seems I must always wait for the second thought. The one that stops and asks, “Wait a minute! Who do you want to be? A guy who always has to teach people in kind?” I mean do I have to be a jerk because someone else is being a jerk to me? Do I have to meet thoughtlessness with rude and biting sarcasm? Sounds like a new kind of prison trapped by automatic responses to the thoughtless, the rude and the violent. Is it my ego-driven, fear-driven responsibility to judge and then expand on the decisions of others? If so, then I have surrendered my life to them. I forego my ability to choose who I am and what I want to be. If I wait for the second thought, I give myself the opportunity to possibly contribute a more positive, constructive viewpoint as taught to me by my mentors, or even to just stay the hell out of it and simply not participate. Can it be that my opinion is not always necessary? This may require waiting for the third thought. Love, E
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 23:00:00 +0000

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