I’ve just now realized why I’ve always stayed away from politics. And such an appropriate day, I’ve just noticed. So why? Well, it’s because I am pitting the faith in my reasoning and my sense of morality against the entire world. And where the hell do these things come from, my reasoning and morality? Are they coin enough to buy a person’s life? Are they not heavily influenced by my desire to live my own life? I don’t like it. I start to calculate human lives as if they were part of a math equation. I lose touch with what human life is. What else can you do when two human beings are getting ready to kill each other? It makes me feel dirty. The worst part is that I realize the necessity of it. That makes me feel dirtier than anything. Jesus Christ. Why can’t we just get along? As tired a question as it is. Why? Because people do bad shit, and because people feel a need for justice. Chicken and egg? No. I refuse to believe it. I feel like we are working toward something. It’s hard to have perspective. Human history is a drop in the bucket so far. Caesar’s come and Caesar’s gone, a few times. A hundred years is nothing to that. But a world full of people carrying around iPhones IS something to that. So there’s your hope. Meanwhile, there’s still the problem. To bomb or not to bomb? I feel like dirty if you do, dirty if you don’t, and dirty if you ignore the question altogether. It’s marvelous to me to watch it all unfold. That’s dirty too. And so that’s why I try to stay out of politics. I know that it’s possibly the dirtiest option of all. I wipe my hands of it and can’t be blamed for anything. Dirty, dirty. But a few days pass, and I’m at home, and the kitties are running around crazy, and my beautiful wife is there, and maybe my Pop stops by to shoot the shit… and it all seems so very clean. Oh, I love it. Death does its dirty trick, but I love it all so much anyhow. But then late at night, as now: how many battles have been fought? It is really too much to bear. I don’t want to think about it. I just want to love. How could such a basic thing not be evident to every single person in the world? Oh, oh, I want what’s mine. I want my goddamned little piece of land and my goddamned proclamation about how wonderful I am. My mother and father were just as happy to be living in a yurt with each other and nothing else and how can anybody not understand that that’s all that matters?
Posted on: Wed, 11 Sep 2013 05:09:23 +0000
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