JULY 2, 2014 Imagine that we were sitting together in a triangle with one other person in the living room of a house in San Diego. Within our triad one of us takes turns responding to a single question being asked alternatingly by the other two. “What’s most dark in you?” It’s a situation I found myself in last night at my friends Dave and Paula’s house. They facilitate Authentic Relating Games in the San Diego area, a practice that makes up a large part of the experiential learning piece of my live workshops and events. Last night’s event was called “Welcome To The Dark Side” and we spent the night shining light into some of the darkest parts of our souls. For this opening exercise, I was paired up with two attractive women that I’ve never met before and I was the first of the three to be asked the opening question. “What’s most dark in you?” “My desire to be loved by women.” “What’s most dark in you?” “My desire to be the best in the room at everything.” “What’s most dark in you?” “My fixation around death. I think about it almost daily.” “What’s most dark in you?” “My anger towards my parents for not loving me unconditionally.” “What’s most dark in you?” “My past relationships with women and all of the ways that I failed them.” “What’s most dark in you?” “My pent up anger against God and organized religion.” “What’s most dark in you?” “I’ve been to jail twice.” “What’s most dark in you?” “I used to cut myself because I didn’t know how to handle all of the emotions swirling around inside of me.” “What’s most dark in you?” “Sometimes I judge the hell out of people for living unconscious lives and I just want to grab them by the neck and scream at them until they wake up.” “What’s most dark in you?” “When I was in my early twenties I stole an old woman’s purse out of her car.” Then when my turn was over, the other two gave reflections of what their experience was of witnessing my darkness. And then we switched places. As the night progressed we went into deeper exercises. We took turns acting out a scene in front of the group while playing a character that highlighted something dark in us. I played a younger, drunker version of myself and stumbled around the room shouting obscenities at the group. Then we closed with some exercises around power. We took turns with a partner playing the dominant and submissive role. In the dominant role I’d make them get on their knees, tell me how much they love me, and make animal noises. In the submissive role I’d willingly do whatever they told me to do. For example, I kissed the ground in front of a man’s foot because he told me to. Does that sound a little edgy? It was for me. Some people go to personal development conferences and retreats. I live in a retreat. Which means that I’m always putting myself in rooms with people smarter than me and doing activities together that push me out of my comfort zone. Last night as we closed the night in a sharing circle, we each talked about what we learned about ourselves. I shared these closing comments with the group: “I learned that I’m actually more comfortable being in the submissive role than the dominant role. Which means that for most of my life I gave my power away to everyone around me and always put everyone’s needs before mine. I’ve done a lot of work around being more dominant and powerful, but it’s still an edge for me. Sometimes I get scared because I know there is so much more power that I’m not even tapping into, but all my life people have pressured me into playing small. They would tell me not to be arrogant, or to not be so loud, or to not talk about my accomplishments. In this moment, I’m committed to breaking through that internal resistance and step into my full power… for the sake of all beings.” Yes, I am committed to stepping into my power. I am committed to being great. Because the more that I do that, the more that I show what’s possible in this lifetime. And the more that you step into your greatness, the more that you share with everyone around you what’s possible in this lifetime. The greatest thing that we can do to change the world is to be a shining example of what we teach. Don’t just speak it, live it. I help men create miracles in their lives. I help them make more money in their businesses, deepen their relationships with women, and create massive amounts of love and support in their lives. But a coach can only take someone as far as they’ve gone themselves. In matters of the heart, I’m about as good as it gets. Emotional and spiritual growth is my sweet spot. I don’t help men make more money by giving them tactics and techniques. I help them by rewiring their brains for success and opening up their hearts to love. What that means though is that I’m not a true business coach. And I’m still figuring out how to turn this business into an actual business. Taxes, legal structures, business systems, accounting, automation, outsourcing, order fulfillment and streamlining email. Those are not a few of my favorite things. So with the intention of “don’t just speak it, live it” that I just talked about, I’m bringing on interns through the end of the year to help me with the activities that make me want to punch myself in the balls. Letting go of these pieces of my business is an edge for me. Maybe it’s my mom’s voice in the back of my head telling me that “it better be perfect.” Maybe it’s all the times that I pulled an all-nighter fixing the group essay or the final project in my undergraduate and graduate school studies. Or maybe I just don’t trust people as much as I say I do. Either way, you have to live it to give it. And today I met with my interns for the first time and assigned roles for them to do over the next six months. It’s going to be messy. I’m going to make some mistakes. And I’m going to have to push myself through the discomfort of learning new technologies and new ways of being. But right now I am the bottleneck in my business. And like I said last night in Dave and Paula’s living room, it’s time to fully step into my power. Why are you still playing small? Why are you giving your power away? Why are you still doing things in your life that you don’t need to be doing? I just told you why I am. But I also told you what I’m doing about it. What are you doing about it?
Posted on: Wed, 02 Jul 2014 19:52:19 +0000
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