JUST RELAX: CHILL!!! Life’s problems seem to never end. Individuals are saddled with health, financial, social, educational, and other problems. These problems culminate in stress in their lives. It is however the case that some of the stress we experience is brought about through our making? Stress plays a major role in many of the health problems that we get in our lives. It is instructive to understand that stress is cumulative. No matter the source of a particular stress episode, the existing stress is added on to anytime we experience a new episode of stress. Persistent or chronic stress leads to overexposure of the body to cortisol and other stress hormones which causes a disruption of all the bodys processes with the result that the body is put at risk of several health problems. These include, impaired memory formation, infertility, high blood pressure, heart problems, infertility, allergic problems like asthma, diabetes, depression, peptic ulcer, menstrual difficulties, skin dryness and rashes, and migraine among others. It is also important to note that suffering any of these health complications constitutes another source of stress and compounds the existing stress further. For example, being constantly stress about financial problems may lead to a complication like high blood pressure, over which we are likely to get additional stress. Knowledge that stress adds on means that we should be careful about exposing ourselves to avoidable stress. All individuals have unavoidable stresses in their lives which they are obliged to cope with. It is therefore necessary that in the interest of our own sanity and health we do not attract or invite avoidable stress into our lives. In what ways and by what actions do we do this? The first way in which we do this is through having unrealistic expectations and beliefs. Many people live their lives in such heightened expectation of things and of people which are not founded in reality, science or statistics, that when these expectations are not met (as is expected because of their unlikelihood) they get so disappointed and stressed. This is especially true with regards to our relationship with people. A person’s behavior is often unpredictable; and to relate with people based on certain fixed beliefs and expectations of them is a recipe for disappointment and stress. People in love and business partners often suffer greatly as a result of the fact that they banked their hopes and expectations on their partners. It is alright to have favorable expectations of people, but we must learn to also expect ‘anything’ also from them knowing that they are human and hence fallible. Truth is, most people are trying to be the best they can, but they falter at times. We should therefore temper our expectations of people with this understanding if we are not to be stressed one day by behavior that we did not bargain for. When it comes to our expectations for material things, it is necessary that we realize that as Jesus said, “a mans life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions (Luke12:15). We are alive because we can breathe, swallow, ease ourselves, move about, etc. Many of us behave as if it is our right to enjoy such things, forgetting that as the Bible says, it is in God that “we live and move and have our being” Acts 17:28. This implies that we enjoy these things because God has determined that we should have them, not because we deserve them or are better than those who are alive but lack them. When we make satisfaction of our wants a prerequisite for our happiness and peace, then we are bound to get stressed when this fails to materialize. It is better to content ourselves and be grateful to God for life and health, because stressing about the things we do not have only prevents us from appreciating and being thankful what we have and from enjoying the blessing of having these things which are really what count for life. Another way by which we add stress to ourselves is when we try playing God in the lives of other people. Our creator God has a plan for each person and is tracking each individual and working out His will in their lives. Much as it is true that God reaches the people in our lives through us, we need to be careful about ending up replacing God in the lives of people. This happens when we try to be all things to people in ways that make them put their hope in us rather than in God, or being at the place where we think that if we fail to help people then that is the end of the road for them. Such behavior puts undue stress on us physically, emotionally, financially, and socially. God is capable of taking care of everyone who puts their trust in Him, and for us to think that without us someone is doomed is a big mistake and a huge burden which comes with stress. Often times people like that in our lives end up disappointing us by showing alarming ingratitude for the things we have done for them and to top it up slander us viciously. Trust me such behavior can be extremely stressful. The Bible admonishes us thus; “Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb” (Psalm 37:1-2). A lot of us harbor anger, indignation and other negative emotions in our hearts against people we perceive to be perpetrating wickedness. Anger, be it righteous or not, has negative consequences for us because of the stress that it generates, and it is therefore no wonder that God in his wisdom admonishes us against entertaining it. Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:9). The truth is that at times people’s behaviors may not even be evil per se, but we simply do not like them for one funny or strange reason or another (some of which we are even ashamed to voice) and this manifests in the negative emotions we experience when we come across these people. God knows how to deal with wrongdoers, and for that reason He admonishes us not to fret about bad people. Moreover, He admonishes us not to judge other people so that we also are not judged. Until we have walked in other people’s shoes it is impossible to understand their behavior. When we have the power and it is our responsibility, it is mandatory to influence evildoers for good or to curtail whatever evil we perceive them to be doing. If it does lie in our power however, it does not pay to work ourselves up in anger over such people or to fret about their activities, because God will ‘take care’ of them. Though the wicked spring up like grass and all evildoers flourish, they will be destroyed forever (Psalm 92:7). Another thing important means by which we bring avoidable stress on ourselves is through meddling. In 1Peter 4:15 we read this: But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler; and 1Thessalonians 4:11 also encourages us to “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands”. There are dangers in poking our noses into the affairs of other people, and the consequences lead to avoidable stress made worse at times by the realization that we brought it on our own selves. Quarrelsomeness and contentiousness also cause much avoidable stress. Many of us have the mistaken perception that when we are insulted, maligned or contradicted we should get back at the perpetrators through face to face confrontation. When our self-esteem is in place, no amount of offence or slander or insult can dent it. It is when we doubt our own self-worth that we jump to fight back. Although it is evokes a negative feelings when people misunderstand us or misbehave towards us, we have no power to determine what people should or should not do. Even among those close to us who we expect to understand us, very few of them do, much less those outside our immediate social circle. It is not possible to explain ourselves to everyone; and what we hear others say about us may be insignificant compared to what we have not heard or what they think of us that they yet to voice. If we keep doing the right things, then one day those who have misconceptions about us might come to find how wrong they have been about us. It is actually in our personal interest to let go, rather than rush to argue, fight back, quarrel or defend ourselves at the least provocation, because it is not like we are some faultless saints; and doing this prevents us from inviting stress into our lives. Even the sinless Christ was crucified and though he had all the power to avoid it the Bible says he went through it. “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth (Isaiah 53:7). Proverbs 20:3 declares: It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. Another source of avoidable stress comes allowing a painful occurrence in our lives to influence our future in negative and harmful ways which bring us additional stress that is separate from the direct effects of brought about by the original painful experience. For example if as a result of being jilted by a woman a man decides that he is ‘going to war’ with all women by relating with them as though they were the ones who hurt them, the consequence of such a behavior would be stressful and such stress could have been avoided. When we choose to further ‘punish’ ourselves by living in negative ways that disadvantage us further and inhibit the realization of our dreams as a result of what someone did to us or an event that occurred in our lives. Such a choice implies that we have empowered that single happening to continue to influence our future in negative and hence stressful ways by multiplying the original stress of the hurt and pain several times over by our own doing. Negative thoughts are also an important source of avoidable stress. Anytime we fear the future, put ourselves down, criticize ourselves for error, doubt our abilities, or expect failure, we are thinking negatively. Fear elicits massive stress, but research has shown that 85% of the things we are afraid of do not happen. In Job 3:25 Job declares: “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true”. If Job’s statement is anything to go by then it does not pay to fear the future. When we commit error we must just use it as an occasion to remind ourselves of our humanity and to commit the rest into the hands of the God who says that all things including that error will work for your good if you love Him. We also must remember that with regards to human qualities majority of people have been scientifically proven to be average. Doubting our abilities apart from stressing us and impairing our performance on tasks may lead to us falling behind others in because it often paralyzes us and prevents us from facing the challenges that would take us to our next level. Let us all endeavor to live our lives in a relaxed mode because it does our health a world of good and we live longer. Unpleasant circumstances will come, but they will pass, and when they do we should not be worse off but stronger. E.S.
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 14:33:17 +0000
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