Janae Minatee-Suggs Discovering True Feelings Rest in peace Grandma Dot you will be missed. It was the day, the day I did not understand the true meaning of Anguish. The day I will never be able to understand what devotion is. The day where my world fell apart- where it ended. The day where I could not open my heart to let people in. It was when I believed people did not understand me. It was the day where life seemed unreal. The day where I did not get to tell her I loved her. The day where I thought everything will be okay- she will be okay. The day my beloved grandmother moved on to her next life in the havens of heaven. Soon, it’s time to get on the Delta airplane. I am terrified beyond words. We are heading to Newark, New Jersey to attend the funeral of my grandmother. It was so hard seeing my grandpa fight to stay strong for the rest of the family. First, he lost his father then his brothers and now his mom. My grandfather’s strength transfixed me. The fact that his mother has been suffering from cancer for years mesmerized me. The doctor had told us that she should have been gone way back but she just kept on fighting. My grandma Dot longed to see her son. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him and that everything’s going to be okay and that she will be all right… and that is what she did. But after that she did not have any more strength and she had to leave us behind. Eventually, we were heading to the funeral. There is a bunch of family and friends in the parking lot that respectfully attended the funeral. We head into the funeral home just to see everyone remembering each other. A lot of people came up to me-most who I did not know. They all came up to me and discussed how grandma Dot use to be. All I heard was a lusty, Altruistic, Plucky mother, sister, and wife. It was not long till we were in the chapel. That’s where everything just ceased. My grandfather- the one who is solid as a rock, the one who holds the family up… the one who is always there was gone. He had left the broken pieces of his heart with his ancient moribund soul. Seeing her inhospitable body in that golden holy casket was hard. Seeing my grandpa break down like that destroyed me- it burned me inside. It demolished my soul. After, the funeral service it was time for the burial service. It was actually easier to see her going in the ground then seeing her in the open casket in the chapel. My cousin ends up throwing up from seeing past relatives tombstones next to hers. This made me think, less than 100 years my grandfather will be next to his mother, father, and siblings once again. But then it will be my mother, and my father next. Sometimes I wish I could just make them last forever. I need them… I don’t want to be alone. There are approximately 7.19 billion people in the world now and there is approximately 107.85 billion dead. In less than 200 years we will all be together on a stifling crust of conflagration. Finally, when we got back to Liberty, Missouri the environment was tacit but lush. The sky was bright as a ripe orange with drops of blue. The air smelt like a light scent of salty ocean water and barbecue ribs. The birds were singing a song that sound like welcome home and everything’s going to be okay. It felt good to taste and breathe in the fresh oxygen of the show-me-state. The ground was covered in White Hawthorne Blossoms and made the cold wet rock we sauntered on white with passion. But what I enjoyed the most was being home and feeling complete. Till this day I feel like my grandma dot is still here encouraging me to do well in school. I miss her so much but I know that she will always be in my heart. Now I know not to let your feelings scare you. Do not keep them inside because the person, place, or thing that you may love will be gone one day. It was the day I discovered my true feelings. It was the day I discovered who I was. It was the day I understand the value of life. It was the day where I will never forget how lucky I was to have a loving grandmother. Rest in peace grandma Dot.
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:31:46 +0000
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