Jaroslaw Ruciński 4 hours . ago discovering pride I was not aware of her presence within me. I could see it in others, but I sensed that will be revealed in time with me with great intensity, which can lead to ruin my whole life. I think about my pride . When I realize obsessive tendency to judge others, evaluation and comparison , it fills me with great fear. So many years of focusing on myself. This time when I examined false self . The terrifying ability to rate themselves as standing above the levels of other spiritual and moral life . Cheaper rate each other, which eventually suffocated inside , it becomes a nightmare , makes unable to look in the face himself. Wrong judging others meant that I stopped feeling fellowship with anyone, on the other hand a her desire . It was my arrogance . Creation writing a modest and humble man on the outside, while inside I was the one who believed in his own greatness. ***** I realize that, from pride because I experienced the stress and the destructive frustrated because I could not lose. It seems that it is as important as love and forgive . It was hard to see myself in second place . That I had someone to assert themselves , but I did not feel that the other can do the same to me when I find myself in need . I did not allow it , I felt humiliated. The fact of being consoled caused a feeling of being a man located at the distal site . Hence came a wave of devastating realization that Im alone , because I could not take the friendship, care , fraternal correction . How many times , when in real need , I was not able to ask for what surely would have received . I set the bar conduct that had nothing to do with the life of a mature man responsible , the Gospel . I remember how those whom I met , had personal models of spirituality , ethical principles that have nohow to the Gospel . His own world wounded heart read out as the environment healthy , spiritual life. Injury prevents a real look at the reality , which does not mean that it does not allow one to see it as it really is . The difficulty is that , as far as listening to the other person really wants to learn , and above all, it is critical to your ideas , comments and solutions to life. ***** With pain I recall my own inability to confess guilt . Blaming others in this situation , it was a smokescreen to divert attention coming from my real tangle . Admitting a mistake could mean once so I felt that no one I will not be able to trust . Knowledge of the others I read my weaknesses as a profound failure. It seemed that these people will not be able to live in a relationship of friendship . ***** Pride was my desire to be a man than independent . Dependency on other poczytywałem for painful limitation. I did not want anyone gave me advice . To me it gave out , I had ideas for the lives of others , and in many cases I would take voice , commenting on human behavior , if anyone would have wished or not . It became my passion , and at the same time przysparzało great fatigue. I was tired most in life is not what you did, but what I said . I begin to understand that the quality of my spoken words , was the source of my room or anxiety. Losing room, I lost my reference to God , at the same time increasingly nierozumiejąc with your loved ones . I could not be in a vacuum. I needed something that would be talked about my values. ***** Stand out from the others saying that I do not understand . I closed up in their internal tower thinking that I have in such a way to protect themselves from others, because they can harm me . In this way, make any alienation leads to a feeling of alienation towards people , values , ideas and principles. Hidden in all this was a sense of superiority , and places a huge aversion to thinking and progressive way . The time had come to believe that there really is no need of others, enough for himself . Then the symptoms that appeared to escape from the responsibility both for their own lives , as well as those with whom I decided many years ago to share community life. Failing to each other , not looking to understand , but I have chosen isolation , escape , resigned from hearing the comments . As time began to appear revenge against the people , from whom , as it was then understood , experienced harm. It turns out that you have a lot to suffer, to feel a deep helplessness and hopelessness with himself to understand that the person who really hurting me , was me. Is pride was not angry with others that did not appreciate me for what I did ? ***** Do not grasped the subtle distinction between the love for yourself and love your own. I did not see the border between the recognition of each other and respect for each other. When asked whether it is in me self-respect , appeared a question about self-esteem. Estimate in respect for each other should be accompanied by my respect for the other . I had no respect for myself and I was not aware of , so the treatment my family. I discovered that own esteem is a major component of self-confidence . With self-respect more easily endured rejection of others , having the inner strength that protected me . Previously perceived disrespect meant that I felt the need for an external relying on someone , the need to respect the other person. Respect for each other was a way to cross himself. Do not have helped in this space ambitions , nor artificially created goals. It was not something ready , but something that I built day after day. It seems to me that in a situation in which I found myself living of many people. What is the situation ? Well , the man does not live in peace with each other. This lack of experience caused the room extremely different states of mind : the insomnia of discontent , from nervousness to fear and fatigue often appearing to onerous voltage of frailty in dealing with others the weakness of the will , the inability to make a decision for guilt. ***** My inadequate care for each other has led to the fact that I felt like a victim at the hands of others . This was accompanied by bitterness . Excessive , disorderly care for one another with compliments from others led to the cynical behavior towards moral values. The time give up the fight for life by the values of courage and disbelief that you can gain the victory, being close to God led to the inability to engage and inability to care for one another . All that was around me , especially the thoughts that swirled in me and rebellious feelings led to exhaustion . I could not and did not want to live this way. I felt approaching despair . I started to cry like a blind man in the Gospel : Jesus, Son of David , have mercy on me . ***** He started the time care for their own thoughts, words , attitudes . I wanted to stop humiliating himself feel good in itself . Lack of self-esteem as I read one of the many causes of immoral behavior . I thought that loving yourself you need to start with respect for their person , for all that I experienced so far . I decided that there is no unnecessary things in my past. All they carved my personality , sensitivity , understanding , spirituality . ***** What could I do to respect yourself ? I seized the word spirituality that were following me like a man wishing me good , caring counselor , loyal friend. Spirituality had carried me from one feeling to another , from the state of darkness into light , out of a total lack of meaning in this life , to taste it . How to get respect? This is the evaluation of the usefulness of something , its importance and dignity. I acknowledge its usefulness , importance , dignity . Feeling a lack of respect for one another critic of my brother. Going in the direction of spirituality , I realized that I love him . The lack of respect I detected the defect , and when he started to walk away in the direction of the spiritual life , I began to see the good side of life . Appeared in my openness to life , the taste associated with its survival . I discovered a new value that I forgot , and thus are not signs . I learned to believe , as a fledgling baby awkwardly under the watchful eyes have or father. There was a profound sense of the mystery that is the self-respect , and it was a turn towards another human being , showing more respect to another , because it is created by God , and therefore something of value . I took the exercises to learn to treat others as if they were a great value. It is true that self-esteem is not the result of great things to be done , but respecting each other for who I really am , namely - a child of God . When I realized this , I found that I should respect others for the same reason . ***** There is the idea that spirituality refers to the crossing of egocentric needs and desires. There is a need to open up a different kind of experience and satisfaction than those associated with the activity around you and for yourself . I walked slowly to the way of life of conscious and careful . I knew that it is very important to my will and perseverance. The benefits have arrived , the greater the joy of life , a sense of meaning , inner peace . Going in the direction of spirituality restored my wings. I understood why my life was crawling . Undercutting wings, cut off from their roots was caused by the constant acceleration is happy to use, experience maximum enjoyment and unconscious agreement to the chaos that is present in my heart . Sliding on the surface of all this, what he did , just made me weak . I worked primarily matters which are closest to the acute desire . ***** God consented to expose my current illusions. I needed a willingness and courage to stay with himself , not resorting to developed their own forms of satisfying cravings . I learned to stay out of each other and strive to ensure that I was okay with me. Do not live in myself, but looking for what is beyond me , in a world of sensations , I moved with my sensitivity beyond his own heart . In solitude, I learned to be alert to another voice , not recognized for many years , the voice of God speaking . I was tired of refuge in the world of experience , weary running blind by the blind , disillusioned rush of life in which it decided , but my passion became the center of determining my future . Return to peace of heart , respect for ones thoughts , hands , eyes . Return to what used to thoughtlessly left , with one desire - experience. They scattered my spiritual thirst. Ive had to stop playing with the life that ends , it ends . It seems to me that now begins what could tentatively be called life. And just because I began to seek God in him .
Posted on: Mon, 04 Nov 2013 12:28:15 +0000
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