Just cant sleep...this always happens for a few days around full moon...so thought Id share my thoughts by setting some intentions through acknowledging my thinking over the past few weeks. Simply how I feel about where I am up to in life..and as my dreams have revealed some awesome stuff recently so I know its time to close this chapter and begin the next. Got massive callings to take part in some stuff at the mo and my mind wont settle. Anyway, maybe some things will resonate for others too...lets grow ♥ The past few weeks I have really gone into some default states of behaviour...victim mode! Quizzical,angry, shouting,confused,hurt...at times running to ask people for advice about small matters before even thinking about the situation and where it fits in my story. Accepting words or judgements instead of pulling the daggers out of my auric field and allowing the sender to deal with it themselves. You could say Ive been consumed by low energy outcomes...and guess what that produced? Damn right!! More of the same!! Today, I sat after a chinwag on skype with my girls and asked myself why? And theres actually no answer to that other than: Fear. Yep! That good old bag of crap that makes your energies deplete, you become vulnerable and open to absorbing other peoples low energy, ignore lessons and simply drop into the default of victim. Now, to many unconscious (and I say that in a spiritual context) this is laughable...and again yes!! how those laughs can also make you feel like utter crap -when people mock how reflective/intouch, passionate, hippy, free thinking and conscious we are. I mean, it can feel a bit like people have this checklist of who youre supposed to be, what you should and should not do and that the doormat is on top of your head right? And of course, you have to drink a herbal tea and forgive them with love whilst they wipe the sh#t off their shoes on to said mat..surely? But you know, the cap never fit and neither did the shoes...Ive always been different! I was the kid who ran into the wind not away from it and am now a woman running towards her storms and embracing it. And the last few years Ive really had to work on speaking my truth,albeit lovingly, and giving people boundaries. But thats also hard for some people who cannot accept your boundaries..so you send them love but keep an energetic distance. Consequently, this must mean youve failed to meet the criteria on their checklist eh?....amuses me too! Its always kind of been difficult because I know I stir up some emotions within people which seems to really affect their state of being...jealousy?envy? Hate?Who knows but Ive witnessed from a young age how differently people dance with your energy...although I didnt know it then. You feel how your dance goes from conga, salsa, to mopping the floor with your ass! And thats so easy to happen. Which is why I try to teach children about protecting their energies and cleansing their own auric field...but anyway, im at that point where I literally want to learn how to walk blind in faith without asking for evidence of how and why and I cannot do that whilst playing a dual role of my true self and my fit in self. You see, I am very blessed to know that my authenticity is more important to my soul than being judged by any one who doesnt like the way my heels click or the way my lips pout...in other words...my truth being a true and authentic me, spiritually, matters more ! This has been my lesson from a very young age... I used to be so angry at myself for my ability to love so openly, the fact that I like to hug people, that I am unafraid to voice my feelings...or even laugh at myself...I disliked it because I was made to believe that other peoples views outweighed the worth of my own. But you know what? Everyone has and is entitled to a view...I dont have to agree with theirs or theirs mine. Besides, when I watch how well people HOLD IT TOGETHER, hold back their tears, surpress their truth, manipulate their thoughts and feelings to please others, ride the storms of poor relationships, live with over stimulated insecurities, compare themselves to others...or are still stuck in the same patterns of behaviour and ego states...well, why would I NOT be grateful for the fact that I see the real me and am working to nurture and grow that real me for the purpose of my being here? May be ludacris to others that id rather choose to sit on a beach or stand in the ocean and feel nurtured by it, that meditating gives me true inner peace, that breathing energy through a tree is actually one of the most amazing things to feel, that chanting makes my heart race,that breathing energy into another being in a sixty second hug is pretty much orgasmic, that i make mistakes and can actually forgive myself and learn from it, that I can manifest things in my life by working with and being guided by loving souls who give and honour nothing but love, that I cannot be put into a best fit box, that saying sorry doesnt hurt me, that I love to give love, that I do not (maybe rarely) but try not to use negative words about and towards myself...that I choose to be me and I am grateful for every dysfunctional blessing I have been blessed to experience...you know why? Because its guided me to become who I am and will continue to do so. The past 3 years of my journey, I realised how trapping it is to stay in default and I cant fall back into it again. Its time to begin nurturing my soul again and nurturing my body with the right foods and fitness now too. Forgot to cleanse emotionally, physically and energetically!! I have so many experiences ahead and now feel ready for them in all their authenticity!!! And I am so grateful, because there are people out there who will never choose to understand their purpose for living! Yes, I completely send them love and hold them in the net of light but I no longer feel responsible for someone elses path, I can only shine my light and trust that it will light up their path for them...should they choose to see it. As Einstein once said...everything is energy!!! And I am recouping and regrouping...I lost my way for a moment but that is over...like I said to my good friend today...there are women who sleep amongst wolves without fear; for the wolves know a Lioness is among them!!! Stepping back into my power!! I cant wait to start living again...and finally begin to realise the part of my journey which brought me half way across the world. I have met and will meet even more beautiful people here but its so nice to know how deeply Khaleel and I are held in love and the thoughts of everyone back home too. Heres to lessons learned and dreams manifesting...
Posted on: Sun, 09 Nov 2014 18:33:23 +0000