Just got another email expressing gratitude for the book I authored, LoveMasterd. Of course the cheers & laughs in comedy are wonderful for the soul, but the connection readers are having with the book is an added boost to the extraordinary. Id like to speak of one element contained in its pages that hits a few, who were previously unfamiliar with a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder. This is a very common disorder, but rarely addressed or properly diagnosed. Here are some traits of someone with borderline. Perhaps you can recognize patterns in your loved one, friend, family member or former paramour. Even better would be if you have BPD and this is a nudge into finding help. Your personal freedom will be welcomed by those around you. One quality that prevents progress is that people suffering from this (most of the time) will not seek help or admit that they have issues. Blame is key in their world, and will always manipulate the narrative to portray themselves as innocent victims. Actually, they will clearly define enemies and enlist others to be soldiers in their war against alleged perpetrators. This system acts as a decoy, pulling focus from their destructive behavior and pulling the energy onto the illusion of drama they create. Chaos and mayhem are always at play. Their descriptions of events include buzz words to shock and awe. They will claim abuse or battery to disguise the true emotional abuse at play by their hands. So many become part of the trap. They recruit even your closest family or friends. Look out for the legal system to be used too. Our judicial system is set up perfectly for folks like this, as the lawyers prey upon conflict lasting for a long time, especially since their client will not let up or back off original accusations or need to be proven right. Forget logic, accountability or self responsibility. If you expect it, then it makes you the crazy one, playing right into the hands of a person who wants others to believe you are nuts. Each time we respond in a defensive way, we become exactly who they claim us to be. To add to the insanity, a person with BPD will lie without forethought. It is their go-to when feeling caught. And if you call them on their dishonesty, look out. To them, fact is the biggest threat. Oddly, this person attacking you can believe YOU are the assailant, even though your only offense is trying to use logic, honesty and reason. This is a very difficult mental illness to deal with because we get caught in our personal life patterns, which prevents our own honest communication, as we avoid the truth of what is before us. Our denial system is as deep as their disorder. We ignore the signs. We defend each accusation they make too. When we spend time dealing with the constant onslaught of false allegations, it allows them to easily move onto the next drama. I assure you, we are not victims to their unseemly actions. We participate in the cycle as much as they do. If they hit the ball and you hit it back, it is game-on. They have the scoreboard, you lose. This week I had another case I was about to deny and push away, but caught it on time before getting too deep into the trap. Sounds strange, but I was actually proud that I let some money/time investment go by severing a business relationship I was about to take next steps. I sensed the patterns and went on instincts. Did a little reality checking with others too, and decided to let this go before being poisoned in the future with much higher stakes. Sure enough, my vibes were correct, as I spoke to someone whom had worked there in the past and was annihilated by someone who appears to be a kind, compassionate person on the surface, but is an absolute killer in disguise. Some might think this is the pattern of a sociopath. It is, but the BPD illness is a bit more hidden and cleverly masked. One key to the bait they dangle is to overly praise you. If theyre about to be discovered, watch for I love you to be repeated over and over. This appeals to our issue to work on - the rescuer. Yes, we too suffer from the personality condition of one who plays the role of fixing problems in a super hero way. Instead of being enough, we hold some sick belief that we need to prove ourselves through good deeds. This is a huge contributor to the core turmoil. It literally feeds the beast. If we dont tend to this problem within, it extends conflict and makes matters worse. If we dont examine how we create this mess, surely the fight is prolonged. This too plays into the BPD wheelhouse - avoid confrontation and direct solution at all costs. You might think you have a smart path to peace, but it is shot down like an opposing politician, forgetting what is good for the whole in lieu of a selfish agenda. No matter how they spin it, it is ALWAYS about them. Call your travel agent, you are going on a whole lotta guilt trips. Borderlines are actors out of a Shakespeare Theatre Company. Look for tears, supposed remorse and surface accountability. Do not be fooled. It is all about them, 24/7. You work for them, many times literally, as they have a hard time holding a job. No career, and often failure to follow through with educational pursuits etc is all blamed away. Entitlement is not earned, but somehow bequeathed. These are children who show few signs of growing up, stuck in a past of their own warped imagination. Nothing will make sense. Just know it is not them, but the manifestations of an untreated illness. And we allow it, due to fear we will end up the other side of the blind rage. We actually lose ourselves in the fear of them losing it on us. This is not good for anyone, to sacrifice our true nature in the name of keeping things calm. It is no way to live. I know. Ive been there... This is not an excerpt from LoveMasterd. It is simply a post I write in the now, due to a compelling need to assist others out paralyzing fear of being locked into the abyss of mental illness. As we know, we usually hear about mental struggles after a tragedy or suicide. This is a way to open up a dialogue before its too late. We are only as sick as our secrets, and this guy prefers wellness over hiding. And the choice here, as well as in being published, is to give people hope and knowledge to manage through seemingly insurmountable circumstances. Not in a promo way, but I encourage you to read the book, which is a healing/revealing source I hope helps many!
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 03:33:32 +0000
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