Just got to, I have learned that I do need to say some things in order to not let them fester so to those few people that think they know what was said or what they heard is quite funny. For example, had I known what was going on a while back because of a numbers issue then you would have never happen and I feel that to keep it not said as I have done before would only lead to a unwanted aggression to something else but to say that where people are able to actually see is quite a bit refreshing sometimes much like saying it to you but not having to and word would likely get around anyway. But as I said had I been properly informed you would have not even had the chance to enter my life it is not to be mean but only in the slightest way to make someone know that they do not have any part in the upper hand makes a feeling of satisfactory and also to know that I was honest and forthcoming and never misleading is also a comfort. But this I do know I am actually headed for something incredible that I have only begun to learn and I will attempt to learn more as I go but for the past 2 years I have gotten to understand a bit now I am actually trying to learn to controll my anger without the help of the one that should have been truthful whether or not that is accomplished I am assuredly going to be amplified when the balances has been corrected and anger would probably not be present just because but after 2 years I have become knowing what I am actually capable of and intend to pursue it in its entirety in the near future. It is to believed that this pursuance was meant for two and though I know I can do it alone from the past experience I do not feel that it should be done for it may have a false balance within itself but I surmise from what I have seen that it is a two person job and when it happens it will exceed even what I have been able to accomplish for even I when testing the limits of the already known knew deep down I could have done better, though not knowing how much better but in the gut and mind telling myself i could do better. I just have hit a wall to say that i only have stopped and begun to trace my steps backwards because of a sense of unwilling cooperation that dampens the mood and when in a bad tempered mood I fail to accomplish such tasks yet I could strive to the finish line if it is truly desired full of intentful rage because to be done wrong and forced to proceed I assure only brings the thought of revenge. I should know because this is not a tale of a silver spoon or even a common spoon but the tragedy of unfairness and the ability to break through. To God who is what I ave actually put my faith in but see the thing that angers me is the idea that God should be put on hold because of what man thinks is best or should happen yet it is the fact of man that posions the Earth and that there are incomplete families. But 2 years ago I was indeed done with what this place had to offer without a doubt, but the I know that a power beyond my recognition see it not be the end of my story. Though I have become confused with how it is supposed to work out I do know in the end I will have exceeded my own knowledge of what I am capable, though I am beginning to think that the path I am to follow is not the path I wish to follow. I mean I only think that I should have been a cop because of a few things that I am actually capable of when I can block things out of my head to focus but that is becoming increasingly difficult on every angle I attempt to try. Even though I have asked the smallest of favors to show proof to ease the quarreling brain that is in my head and believes that What should have happened will still happen for the signs of the truth remain even still to me but have been toyed with for me to also not believe so at the same time. I also know of the help to being recieved has probably as tiresome as it has been to accept it but I assure you a vacation is not a vacation when pondering what should be versus what is. I feel that to pursue the accomplishments I wish to achieve is loathing without what should be happening to coax the soreness away. But I have also already seen the sign of revenge in the near future to want justification, with a small margin of wanting to proceed yet I do wish I had been on track the wole time for it would have proved astounding in nature, but here we are wishing that what was said to come true by any means an I assure you a weaker than weak message on voicemail is at a little satisfying but so angering at the same time. It also has beome increasingly ard to hold back the anger that I see and try to temperment every day to becoming a job of its own, I really do not know what is in store for me to its entirety but I know what I am to do in the near future but after that it is a bit blank, but with one wlast weekend off from work I should be in the gym and to the extent of starting to get back on track, But I have actually been trying for some time but people just do not understand that with everything going on the mind is a fragile thing at the moment though still hard a rock and taking in everything it can focusing it the issue, especially without what God has picked out to be the distraction of the torment on ones self to becoming the best that they are possible and sometimes in the awe of others which that is what has actually stumped me and made somethings unbelieve I guess you could say. But as I said the past few years have been greatly enlightening but knowledge of what is going on and how things have come to be is still the concern for I know of the world and have much fallen short, of well maybe that is still to be seen. But to say that friends from long ago still have never gotten to know who I am and if they feel so it is only by what I have done but that person that I have gotten to know and soon hope to accomplish again knows where it has come from and it was a very unpleasant place to which maybe that is why things seem as an awe to others sometimes. It is actually difficult to believe even right now that many people that knew me from long ago still do not know who I am, but still it would remain to be unknown maybe unless told in confidence which I try hard to find now days for now adays some people are really ruthless with information. Alao it is how people act after recieving the information as well which is the most concern for my partwhich is why friends still do not know who I am. I still can not wait for that distraction to come along really it would be nice. Tell me though is it the right thing to bite your tingue when you feel that it should be said but the outcome of what is said might not be societies best outcome or politically correct? I am excited about the ps4 though I do think it will be a decent distraction for a while until the real distraction finally arrives but it has yet quite a time to wait till even it shows up. Well that is all I can think of for now. Great to vent sometimes yet knowing it will still be there tomorrow and still not coreecting itself fuels the fire yet even more really sucks sometimes I do wish there was a switch for the brain to possibly turn it off but then maybe that is the reason of what is possible, but also can be seen as not as fun as it sounds. So what is on your mind?
Posted on: Sat, 17 Aug 2013 02:43:05 +0000
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