Just in case you havent heard it somewhere else, *Matthias Vargas* amazingly apt and tearfully funny *2 Cows*: SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you dont know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive... And additional: A NEW YORK COMPANY Get those f**king cows outta here! A HOLLYWOOD STUDIO Theres these two cows, see But theyre not ordinary cows. They can talk! And they have super powers and theyre from another planet and survived a shipwreck in China! We can get James Cameron to direct! Box Office Magic! Avatar meets Transformers meets Titanic in China! Boom Baby! SILICON VALLEY START-UP Since the dawn of mankind, humans need to be fed. Our company KoWz 2.0 is here to feed humanity! To explain how we make the world a better place, lets use the metaphor of 2 Cows, (not the spin-off of Go Daddy that steals your domaine name and then ransoms it back to you for a huge premium. Theft is a scalable business model but not in this case!) in a field. Our end to end proprietary and patent pending solution takes the DNA from two of the worlds most robust dairy cows, both out standing in their field, and integrates it with our own unique algorithm to produce 3D printable milk and synthetic meat thats 100% Vegan! The milk currently costs $100 a quart and the meat is about the same cost per pound, but early adopters will carry us until we can drive the unit price down with the commoditization of mobile maker 3D printing! We crowd sourced our first $1,000,000 (partially by mortgaging our houses) and we are looking at $75,000,000 in our A round on notes with a 23% premium. There are billions of people to feed! (Footnote: after funding by Sequoia, KoWz 2.0 was acquired for $25 Billion by Google and renamed The Soylent Corporation. Their new product is Soylent Green available on your Google 3D Maker Printer. )
Posted on: Sun, 01 Jun 2014 15:55:32 +0000
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