Just posted to the Booby Buddies page. Renee and I co-led this private online breast cancer support group. She has been incredibly loved by all of our sisters there. --- With love from Mama Bear: GOD LOVES US SO MUCH. God loves ME so much. He loves YOU so much. And oh … how He LOVES Renee Miki! He made her. He created her. She is His daughter. The Daughter of the KING! Complete with her unconditional love for her Booby Buddies sisters, her wisdom, her questioning personality, her irreverent humor. He made her … perfect. For such a season as this. I need to shoot straight with you. Tuesday I was fetal. I had a heaviness in my chest that I had never felt before. I was sobbing all morning. I was experiencing a level of grief that was new territory for me. Yes, I know I love Renee, but we have only known one another three years. Yes, we considered ourselves best friends, but why this level of grief? What was happening to me? And then about noon, my long-time counselor, Cinthia, called me. “I have a cancellation at 3 in Scottsdale. Can you come in?” My response, sobbing: “I can’t. I’m having a breakdown. I think I’m having a breakdown.” Her response: “Jan, get in the car and come in. You can do it.” So I did. A cancellation appointment just for me on the day when I needed it most? That was GOD. Cinthia and I talked about Renee’s larger-than-life personality. Renee was the type of gal who could walk into a room and change the energy level, right? Even when she walked into the Booby Buddies “room” or The Living Room, everything changed. She brought something special with her that we all loved. Her incredible memory allowed her to know every detail of each of our treatment. Her transparency about her life, her struggles, her children made us open up and be transparent with her, even if we hadn’t met in person. Her ridiculous sense of humor helped us laugh through the toughest and darkest season of our lives. The way she looked at things made everything seem a little brighter for all of us. Every one of us KNEW that she LOVED us. We were SISTERS. But there’s something else. Cancer is WAR. We are SOLDIERS. We’ve heard that when soldiers are thrown into a foxhole together during wartime, the bonds that are built are unbreakable. Deeper than anything we’ve experienced before. Beyond comprehension. No matter how long you are in a foxhole with a comrade, that bond is lifelong. We have lived through the evilness of cancer … and lived to tell the tale. There are things we can’t tell anyone else. Or if we do, they won’t understand. So those stories stay between just us. We are bound together forever. That is GOD. Our depth of grief in losing Renee is understandable, given that context. She is WORTHY of our grief. God gave her to each of us for a season, and I will forever be grateful to Him for that. I have heard so much from all of you this last week, and I love you for that. Your words are so poignant and heartfelt, friends. I feel your pain and your grief. But I need you to hear me loud and clear. “What will happen to her children?” Monaco and Kohana are beautiful little people. Renee and Jake have poured into them from the minute they arrived on this earth, and they will grow to be strong, beautiful women, just like their Mama. Jake is an amazing Daddy. He will keep Renee alive in their memories. He has already pledged to take them to Japan so their can embrace their heritage. Renees mark on their lives will be a part of them forever. They will always be her daughters. “This can’t be happening.” ‘We can’t lose any more.” All of us will die, friends. We love one another deeply. Where there is deep grief, there is great love.” Some of us will die from cancer, some of us will be in accidents, some of us will die of old age, warm in our beds. Only GOD numbers our days. We cannot live in fear! We cannot be paralyzed because of losing one of our sisters. We cannot be paralyzed because of STUPID cancer! Don’t let it rob you of LIFE! One of Renee’s last texts to me said, “We serve Almighty God.” As her life came to a close, she was able to have complete peace about her family and her destination because of her love for Jesus. You all know there are a bunch of us BBs who believe the same thing. If you are someone who doesn’t believe that but are curious about it, reach out to one of your sisters to ask questions. It’s what Renee did. She always had challenging questions about faith for me. She was someone that questioned and doubted and learned and worked through what she really believed. She finally came to a resolution to love Jesus, but it was a process. I respected that. Honor Renee, friends. Make each day count! ENJOY LIFE! LOVE. LAUGH. LIVE. If God gives you another day, MAKE IT COUNT! xoxox https://youtube/watch?v=JmyUgsmCzB4
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 19:02:31 +0000
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