Kamanza Musau, kwani uliniwekea kamuti with your birthday wish? 43 years and two days and the forgetfulness has already started! First, I woke up at 5:30a.m and jumped out of bed yelling an expletive; I was going to miss my script deadline!!! I booted up my comp and went for a pee, still cursing. When I came back, the screen showed Sunday, 12th October. I checked my retardphone to confirm, smiled and jumped back under the duvet. Phew! Later, I woke up and watched two complete series back to back. I forgot to shop before it got too dark, as the road is not very well lit and some idiot has dug a ditch that passes right outside the gate and the terrain of the road has changed because of the mounds of soil from the ditch. I changed out of my PJs and left in a hurry. At the gate, I fell into the ditch I had forgotten was there, almost breaking my leg and making the little shudrens of the compound very happy. They were literally rolling on the ground, laughing and pointing and yelling “Kameanguka!” I told them todays there were not going to be any bananas! One started crying and said “Mimi sikucheka, ni huyu ndio amefanya nicheke!” I limped and stumbled to the shop, where I could remember neither the shopkeeper’s name nor what I wanted to buy. After finally being served, I found that I had forgotten to carry money. I negotiated with him and he wrote it in his book, with 10% interest. Then I forgot my compound and was almost mauled by dogs. When I got home, I found I had forgotten how to cook – eat a potato? Or an onion? Wait, I think you have to skin and cut them up first! Oh, I have to cook them first!! First, pour in the Royco, then the potatoes, followed by onions. Damn where are tomatoes? Ah, I am not leaving this house again! Lastly, add oil and meat, that’s the way to do it! Then my bro came in and threw me out of his bedroom! No wonder the cutting board had been looking so big! Anyway, I got everything into the sufuria and went to my room to watch Monty Python’s Flying Circus. After about 30 minutes, I went to check on the food. It looked the same, not even a bit of steam! Then I noticed that I had forgotten to light the gas! I did so and went back to my comedy. Those Monty Python guys are as stupid as Mr Bean! I laughed and laughed! My brother yelled, “WEWE, NGOMBE HII, THE FOOD IS BURNING AND YOU ARE JUST LAUGHING LIKE A HYENA!” Trying to decide which between a cow and hyena I’d rather be, I managed to salvage enough to convince myself that it was enough to qualify as the “After food” stipulated in my prescription. One last tablet to go! My pal called me, then, halfway through the conversation, she put me on hold as she was driving and there were cops, then I started to look for my phone frantically tearing the room apart! I rushed to my bro’s room to ask him if he had seen my phone, “MALIZA DAWA UANZE KUKUNYWA TENA!” Hhe screamed at me, “HIYO NI NINI UMESHIKA KWA MKONO?” “Ala, imetoka wapi?”I wondered, as I beat a quick retreat back to my room. I could still hear him muttering expletives and names of animals and Grrrrrrrowling like Arigi as I lay down to wait for the food to settle, smoking a cigarette. I woke up. It was almost 1:00A.M!!! My tablet!!! Swallowing some carbon from the sufuria, I was ready. No waiting for digestion to begin this time! At the medicine drawer, I forgot which pill to take and it was only the smell that saved me from swallowing a mothball! I went back to bed and lay down gingerly. On the BBC WS someone was talking about a script she had THE SCRIPT!!!! Haki nimechoka, sijalala! But I have sent it – to the wrong production company the first time… Please, please my friend Kamanza, lift this kamuti you have put on me! What have I ever done to you! Or did I forget? But I don’t want to get to the point where I forget to pull my zipper up/down, worse, I might progress to a point where I forget to pull my trouser down! Please man, I beg you!
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 08:42:05 +0000
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