Kevin and Nicholas are my 10 and 12 year old boys. Until July 17, 2013 they were residing with their father in Oklahoma City. That day was a nightmare for them. That day their father assaulted his girlfriend, leaving her with staples in her head, along with other serious injuries. That day Oklahoma DHS, doing their job, took my children into DHS custody, and placed them in a children’s shelter. When a DHS worker asked Sr. (dad) for my information, he said he had no way to contact me, that I had abandoned my children. Of course he was lying. DHS looked no further. On July 17, I was in excruciating pain, on my way to the hospital with what turned out to be a tear in my intestinal tract. On July 19, I called my boys, to be told by Sr. that they were playing at a friend’s house. I explained that I was in the hospital, and why, and told him I would call back. I called back 3 more times, each time to be told that the boys were unavailable. Once they were eating dinner, another time they were at a friend’s house again. It’s pretty usual for them to be hard to get ahold of, so I was not alarmed. I call several times a week to get to talk to them once or twice. I know how busy and hectic life with two children active in school, sports, friends, and home can be. I thought nothing of Sr.’s excuses. The morning after I was released from the hospital, Tuesday, July 22, I received a call from a number I didn’t recognize, but knew to be Oklahoma by the 405 area code. When I answered, Paul Meyers introduced himself and explained that he was with Oklahoma DHS. He told me that my children were in DHS custody, in a children’s shelter. He also told me that he had interviewed Kevin three separate times, and each time had asked where I was, and how to contact me. (I’ve heard different versions of DHS’ attempts to reach me, but none of them went beyond asking Sr.) According to Paul Meyers, each time Sr. told him that he did not have a way to contact me, that I had abandoned my children. Finally, Sr. gave them my number, stating that he wasn’t sure if it was still my number, but DHS could “try it”. I was shocked. I asked Paul when I could come get my boys. He said I couldn’t. I asked him what I needed to do so that I could come get my boys. He explained that on August 1 a judge would set a pre-trial date, at which time I would have an opportunity to speak with the judge. I asked Paul Meyers what the next step was; Of course Nevada CPS would come to my home to investigate me for Oklahoma, I would send my Custody Order to Paul, I would interview with him, or someone from DHS…These were the things I offered to help them, I was sure they would be what Oklahoma DHS needed to feel secure in sending my children home to me. I was trying to swallow my fear, and anguish, and do what needed to be done. After that first conversation with Paul Meyers, I called him every day, several times a day, and spoke with him twice. Each time I confirmed with him that he, and his office, were working toward the goal of verifying my home to be safe, and reuniting me with my children. Each time he whole heartedly agreed. Until he didn’t. Kevin and Nicholas were moved to a foster home, and my case transferred to Miranda McNally, who, I quickly learned, had been the case worker in the week I was in the hospital, but had gone on vacation, which is why I had been talking to Paul. (So Paul had not interviewed Kevin, at least not initially as he had stated.) Miranda was as sympathetic and agreeable as Paul had been. Until she wasn’t. The case transferred from her to Permanency Placement, my new worker was Angela Gilbrath. Same story with her, as with Paul and Miranda. By Friday, August 16, I had spoken with these 3 case workers, as well as Angela’s supervisor, Whitney McNally. I had called several times daily, only to speak with them once or twice a week. On this Friday I learned that Sr. had taken the boys to McDonalds to visit with them. I called Angela, not upset that the boys had visited with their father, but upset that after a month of regular contact with DHS no one had told me that I was allowed to visit Kevin and Nicholas. She said that not only was I “allowed” to, but that I was required to. That is when I truly realized that no one in Oklahoma was working to reunite my children with me, their mother. She instantly got snotty with me when I responded, literally in frustration and fear, NOT attitude, and threatened to hang up on me. Since then Whitney McNally, her supervisor, has been the case worker. The following Monday I asked Whitney if they had begun the process of having Nevada look into my home, and interview/investigate me, she said “No.” I asked her why not, and she replied that they would only get Nevada involved if they felt I was a candidate for placement of my children, and that they did not see me as such. WHAT!? WHY NOT!? She quoted Sr. when she answered. “You abandoned you children.” No I didn’t! She did not want to listen to me, even when I offered her proof that I have been in regular contact with my children, that I do provide a safe, loving, stable home, and can prove that also. I have sole custody, awarded to me by Judge Deason in Oklahoma County. On August 21, that Wednesday, I received a summons in the mail. It also quoted Sr., and reflected NO truth about me at all. The Oklahoma County DA was asking that my rights as their mom be stripped. It stated that I had to be in court August 26, 5 days from the time I received it, or a bench warrant would be ordered for my arrest. Scramble time! I pulled from every resource I had, and received help from family and friends, and made it to Oklahoma late Sunday night, the night before court. I arrived at the court house at 9am sharp. I saw my beautiful boys entering the court room through the glass walls of the building. Just remembering it now, my heart races, my throat closes, and I can hardly type this through my tears. I rushed to the door, only to find it was not the entrance. In a state of pure panic, thinking I had missed them, I rushed to the entrance, waited impatiently to get through security, and went straight to the door I saw my boys walk through. I’ve always loved seeing them from behind. They have such adorably round heads, and from the back they look identical. Walking into the court room, seeing them sitting next to each other, right there within reach, time stopped, the whole world stood still. I had to control myself so I didn’t make a scene in front of everyone. I went to them, casually scooted them apart, and sat between them. I took Kevin’s face in one hand as I put my arm around Nicholas, and pulled them into me. We cried. Nicholas really cried. He looked so sad. I asked him if he was okay, and he said “I’m just so happy to see you mom!” with his chin quivering, his face scrunched up with tears, Kevin resting on my side, I knew, Sr. was a monster, and I had made a HUGE mistake. Living without them for so long had been so hard. Words can’t describe how hard. Every day was a challenge. But I allowed them to stay with their father, even though he refused to allow them to visit, because I knew that soon I would flex my legal rights as their sole custodial parent, and when I did it would be the last time I would. You see, I was literally buying them time with him. The cost to me was my time with them, a price every parent SHOULD be willing to pay to facilitate a relationship with the other parent. Sr. had proven, time and time again that he would not co-parent. I need to say that not once did I have reason to believe they were unsafe with him. He had never assaulted me, he was attentive and loving to the boys. His hate for me is astounding, but I believed he had moved past that. Had I thought for one second the boys were in danger I would have been in Oklahoma in a heartbeat to get my boys. They were in sports, doing well in school, had friends in their neighborhood, and often said that they wanted to live with their dad. They wanted to visit with me, they missed me and of course love me, but they were safe and cared for. Before he was arrested, I was coming to the end of my patience. I felt that I had achieved what I set out to, I had given my boys memories, and a relationship with their father. But I knew that being kept from me was no better, worse even, than being without their dad, because I knew I would always allow him to be their dad. (Of course I would never allow them to live with him again. I would never be able to even trust him with a visit. But he could see them, and talk to them, anytime while in my care.) In court the judge would hear NOTHING from me. Even when he asked me a question, when I tried to answer, he got irritated and told me not to speak. When false accusations were made by Whitney, and I tried to respond, he got mad and told me not to speak. When I requested a Guardian Ad Litem, he told me not to speak. When I requested Oklahoma begin an interstate investigation to help show that my home is safe and I’m a fit mother, he told me not to speak. He instructed me to get an attorney, and he wanted no excuses, I was to have an attorney when I came back to court on September 19. I don’t qualify for a court appointed attorney. My income has to be less than $1,200 a month. My house hold income is around $2,400 a month, which after rent, utilities, and groceries, leaves little for gas, insurance, household needs. We do okay, we get by. But we don’t have money for me to travel to Oklahoma, hire an attorney, and fight this ridiculous fight to bring my children home, where THEY BELONG. Whitney told the judge that the boys stated they wanted to live with me. He refused and stated that the boys were to remain in Oklahoma. He also said that no relatives outside of Oklahoma would be looked at for placement. Several times I’ve been told by case workers, and now by the judge, that their goal is to keep my children in Oklahoma, even though that means they remain in a foster home with a stranger, even though they have a good home with their MOTHER. The goal of DHS, and the court, is clearly stated and understood to be, to reunite the children with a parent or family member, if such can be found to have a safe home. Then why is it that they constantly tell me that they will keep my children in Oklahoma, even though that means keeping them in a strangers home? Which is it?!? My home is wonderful. My trials as a mom have been finances, though we’ve always managed with little to no help from anyone, including Sr., and time. I’ve faced those trials as a mom head on, and for 9 years did a damn good job overcoming them. My decision to send my children to live with their father was based on a lot of things. Sr. had come to me with clean drug tests, and a plea to have Kevin and Nicholas for a summer visit. After MUCH consideration I agreed. A lot of my decision was based on the fact that Sr. lived with his parents, my boys’ grandparents. I was even excited for them once I made the choice to send them. I went with them to Oklahoma, and stayed with Sr. and his parents for 4 days, to help the boys adjust, and to make sure it was a good environment for them. Not only did they have a wonderful summer, but at the end of the visit, as agreed, Sr. sent the boys home. In December Kevin, Nic, and I began discussing the possibility of them living with their dad for the school year. With no help from Sr., my income alone kept us in a not so great school. We had a nice home, safe, big yard, even a pool, but I could afford it because of it’s geographic location, and the down side was the school. At first we discussed Nic going alone, giving each boy one on one time with a parent. In the end we decided the benefits would be to both boys, so both boys would go. As their first summer vacation approached after going to live with Sr. I began discussing travel plans for my boys to come home for a visit. Everything was going as planned, I bought 4 round trip plane tickets, one for each boy and 2 for me. At the last minute Kevin simply told me, “I’m not sending the boys to you.” As the fight between him and I developed he started making outrageous accusations about the care I gave Kevin and Nic while in my home. I could clearly see that he was building a case against me, at the very least with the boys. Because I had sole custody, I didn’t feel threatened. I saw this as his insecurities, and fear that I wouldn’t return them to him after the visit. Because that’s what he would have done? During this time I learned that Sr. had moved him and my boys in with his girlfriend, Curly, and when he refused to share his current address I immediately called Oklahoma Police. They refused to help me, stating that because I had sent them there, it was a matter for the courts. I pleaded with them, calling several times hoping someone would listen. I didn’t know where my children were! I had had it! I spoke with the boys to explain that it was time for them to come home, trying to prepare them. They pleaded with me to let them stay in Oklahoma, that they were starting a summer baseball league. At that point my options were to go to Oklahoma, get the police and courts involved, pull them from the home they wanted to be living in, and NOT return them for a second go round with that particular circus, or deal with missing them a while longer, knowing they were safe. I had hoped to convice Sr. to do what was right and allow them to visit. If that failed I decided to give them as much time as I could, so long as I felt it was in their best interest, before resorting to option 1. My oh so precious boys, who are sensitive, kind, funny, young, and now scared and lost, are in a foster home. I feel that Oklahoma has kidnapped my children, that I am just simply not an option because I’m out of state, and they believe everything this criminal has told them, and nothing I’ve said or done is convincing them otherwise. Without an attorney, I don’t stand a chance. To retain an attorney who will fight for me I will have to pay a minimum $1,000 retainer. To travel to Oklahoma, just on September 19, it will cost me over $500 after car rental, hotel, and air fare. I need help. My boys need me. They absolutely must be returned home, for good, to a mother who adores and cherishes, and yes, takes good care of them. Not to mention a village of people who love and support us as a family. To keep them in foster home, when mom is such an obvious alternative should be criminal, and is cruel and dangerous to them. After reading through this, if you got this far, please take a minute to look through some of the albums on this page. Everything I’ve said is the truth, and all I can do is hope that you believe me, and are able and willing to help me, and my children. I am asking for money, to pay for an attorney, and help with the costs of traveling. If you can’t or won’t help financially, but know of a resource that might help, please. Anything is something. And I sincerely appreciate your interest and time.
Posted on: Tue, 03 Sep 2013 16:10:51 +0000
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