Kirribilli house Ext. day The shutters on Tony Abbotts window are flung open. Boy! Boy what day is it. Why sir, ITS CHRISTMAS DAY! Then its not too late! Boy fetch the biggest Turkey you can find. That would be you sir. Tony laughed, normally he would have the child beaten and thrown into a juvenile detention program but this morning he was a changed man. Fetch the biggest Turkey you can find and bring it to the Sydney City Mission with my regards, here take my credit card and 14 cabcharges. Just then a couple of women walked past with a young daughter. Hey chicks! He said, sorry women I should know what you like to be called for I am the minister of you. I am sorry I havent been very good at it so far, going on record with my greatest achievement being repealing the carbon tax. The honest truth is I just regarded you as inconvenient baby makers. But today I am going to make equal pay the law! Also, I am formally approving marriage equality! How do you feel about getting married New Years Eve, all expenses paid! Uh were sisters mate. But Tony had not quite learned to listen to women yet. No arguments! Youre getting married on my coin chicks on New Years Eve on a luxury island resort I have planned for... MANUS ISLAND! The detention centre is no more. Bob Cratchit! Where is my personal assistant? Bob. Get all of the refugees processed before New Years Eve, no child should start 2015 in prison when there is so much room here. And make it illegal to carry a f*** off were full sticker while youre at it. And get all those kids nintendo 3dses they must be bored silly out there. And ring Freya Newman and apologise for all that we put her through please and find out the names of all the students who got higher grades than Frances and give them all Whitehouse Scholarships. Not at the Whitehouse Institute of design, the ACTUAL Whitehouse THATS RIGHT get Michelle and Barrack on the line I dont care what time it is in Washington. And while youre at it call the woman whose I lease I broke for Frances and pay off her entire Mortgage! Mmmm, Mr. Abbott Bob stammered is that all? No. Call the ABC and SBS Im giving all those people their jobs back for Christmas. And call the National Congress of Australias First Peoples and apologise about the whole nothing but bush thing. And call Gina. Theres going to be some new taxes. A carbon tax, a mining tax and a Ginas face tax. Then Tony ran through the streets of Sydney embracing Muslims going I dont know what your Christmas thing is I think it might be Kwanza Im not entirely sure but I love your Islamic face and I want to wish you a happy holidays and... Twas then Tony noticed a child on crutches. You! Lame brown boy! Come here. And you, press photographer come here! Well well look at you Tiny Tim! Welcome you little child of Islam! Pose in this photo with me mini-Muslim. Im not Muslim Im Indonesian. Shhhhh youre ruining the photo op. Tony beamed at the camera GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL EVEN THE BROWNS AND THE C̶H̶I̶C̶K̶S̶ WOMEN
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 22:27:56 +0000
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