LET THE TEARS FALL: In my daily life I see and hear so much from the moment I wake up to deep in the night, emails, prayer requests from hurting people. Along with this I face my own struggles. My sons illness, My own recent diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, my childrens struggles with faith as they try to comprehend a God that is allowing their brother to suffer, the pain I see in the foster babies & their birth parents whom have been through their own agony. It just seems never ending. This past week I was in an interview with the Social Worker preparing our Home Study for adoption, my hubby and I both had to fill out a 9 page questionaire all about our childhood, marriages and our life. The two couldnt be more different. While Sundeep has indeed suffered with the death of his baby sister and his own wife he had a beautiful childhood with amazing parents. Where me on the other hand...wowzers two totally different upbringings. So the Social worker begins to ask me all about my childhood, my life and as I tell her EVERYTHING she looks at me and says with all this, all this in front of me ...your life how are you so incredibly happy? Is this God? I sat there with a tear falling down my face, followed by many others as I gathered my thoughts.....then I answered her. Yes its God, he has been with me from a very early age although I left him many many times to do what I wanted....yeah that didnt work out to good for me. But he always had me, I always knew he had me. I used to be so nervous, a walking panic attack a giant bundle of nerves....but it is gone..I feel peace, when the doctors tell us bad news...I feel peace, when I read a Mothers prayer request for her deathly ill child...I feel peace, no matter what I face I face it with HIM ...no I do NOT understand it not one bit sometimes...but one thing I know without a shadow of a doubt is that I am not in control God is, and what I know without a shadow of a doubt is that no matter what we go through God will turn all things into beauty...every last thing into profound beauty. The social worker just sort of stared at me with her chin propped on her hand in total silence as if she was drinking it all in. She then says God can do all that? my response....oh yes he can Today I spent the day with my Big G, I let the tears fall, I allowed myself to cry it out, I cried for Kody, I cried for friends that are suffering, I cried for myself and the new body I have to come to terms with, I cried and cried...and it felt good because I didnt cry alone and with each tear that fell I could feel my daddy wiping them away then filling my heart up with HOPE. Because of God I am able to smile every single day no matter what comes my way I have peace. I want this for everyone I know. So let the tears fall let it go....Let God be your comforter...allow him to be the keeper of your fears, your tears and your heart.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 04:59:29 +0000