LOOKING BACK ON 2014 - By Katniss, Cat Reporter My Interview with Cat Burglar, Dusty the Klepto Kitty The notorious Dusty Klepto Kitty - The REAL One has stolen over 600 items (!) from neighbors and feels no remorse. Hes appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman, has a Wikipedia page and Animal Planet actually set up hidden cameras to record his thievery. Animal behaviorists have spent countless hours analyzing his behavior: He has OCD! He does it for stress relief! Its predatory behavior! But no one has ever thought to ask Dusty why he does what he does. Until now. KATNISS: So Dusty, tell me, feline-to-feline, why do you steal? DUSTY: There is a miconception here. I am not a thief. I am a COLLECTOR. Like my Humans. The Female collects cat figurines and other assorted cat knick-knacks which are all over the house. Clearly she worships our species. KATNISS: As she should. DUSTY: The Male likes to buy old tools. His workshop is completely STUFFED with old machinery, hand tools, and as far as I can tell, everything. KATNISS: Hmm. That must be similar to the way we cats collect hair ties, toy mice, crinkle balls and the like and stuff them under the couch for safe keeping. DUSTY: Exactly. So you see, I come from a family of collectors. Whenever I return home from an excursion, I vocalize loudly to let the Humans known I have returned with a find. Once I meowed so much that the Female thought Id gotten hurt. But the only thing that woudve been hurt would be my feelings if they didnt make such a fuss. KATNISS: And not just oohing and aahing, either. These people have brought in news crews. DUSTY: Indeed. KATNISS: What are some of the weirdest things youve ever brought home? DUSTY: The Humans seemed to get a chuckle out of the size 38D bra I dragged in. Another time I brought home a sneaker and then went back and retrieved the other one. And once I brought home 11 different items during the night. I lined them all up near the front steps along the driveway so they wouldnt miss them. (Okay, so maybe I DO have a little OCD.) KATNISS: What about your, uh, critics, who insist you are a thief? DUSTY: I believe that the neighbors are intentionally leaving presents out for me. How else can you explain the socks and bathing suits left on the line? Or the stuffed animals left out for my amusement? The neighbors are clearly entertained by my antics and thus leave me treasures. KATNISS: The same neighbors? DUSTY: Yes, over and over again. KATNISS: How do your Humans feel about your collecting? DUSTY: Well, previously Id bring home dead birds, mice, and even a snake once (the Female thought it was a headband until she looked more closely). So I think they much prefer my collection of dish towels, mittens, Frisbees and the like.
Posted on: Thu, 01 Jan 2015 03:33:58 +0000