Last PAP set up and as leaving their house down the hill of ice to a what I thought side of road.. . No it was a drainage system ditch covered with snow so my cars 90 °degrees off ground no phone service. So what happened GOD the patient and his nieghbors insisted on helping and for me to sit and stay warm with a soda and anything else coat blanket food etc. But..... what happened I had one of the deepest conversation about my son and her son that I havent been able to in anyone else. Meaning she was at the same feeling on it as I. She had been grieving for many many years. When you lose someone close you are numb in shock because your body can not cope your on auto drive and dont remember most or like to forget so you can stop torturing yourself with gulit and pain. Til you bargin and trade with GOD and when no answer you contemplate your faith Why Why. Until you cry and cry and cry til there is nothing there. Begging for help when your alone because most only wish they could help but how. I suppose as much as it hurts remembrance and faith. Those memories you hold so dear ingrained and taken over your thought yes where do you go From here we pondered when you have a negative and positive. You lose essentially a peice of your heart that you pray you will connect and be whole again that this life is of purpose that everyone is here for a reason. Sorry but are question that your innocents in a sense is gone im not invisible this life is so precious and vulnerable. That you are worried. But the positive you try and try to love with all your heart as we all do. The most beautiful gift kindness love and I experienced that from a stranger and im so grateful that im here after all my close calls not to be perfect but to give it my all I have told myself I would never fall in the trap I will try. I have only GOD to be thankful for my strength so in that today and everyday im thankful for a beautiful daughter shelter food and to sled ride run in the rain play play doe to LIVE when like most of us could of called quits many times. So here is to keeping are faith and not giving up
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 04:10:43 +0000
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