Last night, I was having dinner with my parents. At some point during the meal, they mentioned that it would be interesting to see our old house in New York that we moved out of eighteen years ago. I told them that we could with Google Maps but when I checked, the road our house was on couldnt be seen at street level. So I pulled my tablet bigger and stepped through onto the nearest street level intersection up the road. I went around through a neighbors property into our old side yard. There were new brick pathways going down the hill but they were old and damaged, like the Yellow Brick Road from Return to Oz, as if theyd been there hundreds of years. The whole area was foggy and had a dark turquoise-green glow. I found our old shed which looked new and repaired from the last time Id seen it but also broken and grown over. The inside was filled with rusted metal junk and some of my old magazines and books which were moldy & rotten. I made my way back the way I came, passing new retaining walks that were falling apart and piles of mulch that were black & decaying. When I got back to the intersection where I entered, I found a banister running down the hill alongside the road which was previously not accessible. I held on to the railing for dear life because I kept slipping until I saw our old house from the road. It had new siding and landscaping but it was all overgrown and in disrepair. As I carefully continued down the hill, the road turned to stairs and I was looking down into the kitchen/living room. It was all redecorated with new furnishings but all the tables and chairs were crooked and flawed. The bricks in the living room wall were uneven and falling out. Everything had a deep sense of wrongness to it. I saw a family at the kitchen table. They all looked like clones of Glenn Close or Meryl Streep but with really horrendous plastic surgery. Their faces were stretched, static and worried with slit mouths and no eyebrows. They looked up towards me but were unfocused. They kept mumbling things like, You shouldnt be here, and Why are you here. The white haired mother got up and shambled out the front door and a strange ratty Dr. Suess/Tim Burton dog appeared at the foot of the stairs with vomit on its snout. The sense of unease and desperate wrongness built until I finally pulled myself back up the banister and back through the iPad. The dog tried to follow but couldnt get more then is muzzle through the tablet. I grabbed its snout and lower jaw with each hand and tried to push it back through but it was soft and rubbery like a stuffed animal, so it just snarled and whined at me, staring with orange milky eyes till it finally left. I minimized the tablet and sat down to continue eating dinner with my mom & dad. Then I woke up. For a few minutes, I laid in bed with the most uncomfortable feeling of utter wrongness that only accompanies peculiar nightmares. Like a bag of maggots were sitting in my lower stomach above my genitals. After thinking about it, I realized my role in the dream. I was a ghost. I was visiting my old life as an unwanted spectral spectator. I imagine thats how a ghost would feel. Everything was new and renovated but ancient to my memories eyes. The family saw me as an inappropriate invisible visitor, as strange and out of place to them as they were to me. They were flaws in my memory, everything was skewed. The only one that could even approach me was the dog and it couldnt follow me back into my afterlife. It was the strangest dream Ive had since last week.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:33:48 +0000
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