Last night was not a cry for help or condolences. I am not suicidal or have a death wish. I suffer from bipolar disorder and manic depression. Both are diseases, just the chemicals in my head are off and my synapses dont fire right. To say I have a handle on it is a lie, we never do. We are not in control of it, it controls us....to a degree. My difference is I am aware of it, and watch for signs in my way of thinking and behavior. When i see Im slipping I force myself to keep going, I pray, read Gods word and do everything i can to laugh, and I reach out to those I trust. Normally quickly enough it subsides to brighter days. My wife can see the changes in me, and she knows when I tell her Im just having one of those days and she just hugs me. She still tries to fix me and schedules everything to make my day easier. Finally had a break through for us. I was in a downward spiral and in a funk, was snappy with her. I realized what was happening and told her I wasnt angry with her and none of it was her fault. That my mood had changed and my depression was kicking in. That seemed to help her. Awareness needs to be a front line in these diseases. But also support for loved ones having to deal with us who have this disease, as its just about as a big a struggle for them as it is for us. Luckily Michelle has someone to talk to who is going through the same thing with her husband. Oddly enough that man and i are great friends. We understand each other and our oddities and do not need to put up a false front around each other. Thank you to those that reached out. I am blessed to have so much love around me. Today is a new day and although the clouds form in the distance, the sun still peeks through.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Sep 2014 12:56:40 +0000
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