Last night while Brenton was at work, I visited with my neighbor. ( I think ill start a blog ). I sat on her couch and talked with her about various things, and randomly burst into tears. I had come to admit, that standing at a register and dealing with a million miserable people a day has started to take its toll on me. If you only know me via facebook, then you havent had the chance to meet me. Facebook is like, the rant room for me. The room I go to with all my pent up anger and aggression, just to throw glasses at the walls. I need somewhere to outpour all these feelings, because I dont give these feelings to people in public. When we were little we learned the golden rule. Treat others, how youd like to be treated. Growing up, I also learned to pay it forward. I was brought up in a manner than, forced me to look at things more positively. My parents were hard on me --- I grew up to be more knowledgeable for it, my Aunt was generous and giving, and sweet, I grew up to know I should pay it forward, and have those same actions towards others. My Grandfather had jokes, and laughter, and was adventurous, and I grew up to have that same personality. Long story short, Im a happy, BUBBLY person when Im in person. When Im face to face with complete strangers. I say hello, I smile, I open doors, I close doors, I hold groceries fo people, and sometimes walk them to their cars, I buy things for people constantly even when my finances arent suitable, I do my best, to be the best I can be. I stand at a register, and encounter lines of people. I get 2 or 3 out of 150 who are bubbly like me, who make me feel really good. The people I encounter though, are enough to make you not even want to walk outside anymore. Ever since I moved to New Jersey, Ive been questioned Why are you so happy? Why are you so bubbly? You giggle way too much. Why? Because thats the person I am. Thats the person I choose to be. Im happy because to normal people, its infectious. If you choose to be miserable, and hate your life, and your surroundings, then thats on you but please... Its better to not say anything to me about how annoying I am because Im smiling. Are you freaking kidding me? People are so cruel. They really are. There is a man who lives in my community, he suffers from schizophrenia, I think. He lives on his own, (not sure where). On any given day, you can see him walking all over Ventnor with a coffee in his hand. He doesnt always talk, and when he does his voice is so so low, that you have to put your ear next to his mouth to understand him. He usually has a small amount of money to feed his love for coffee, and I usually go out of my way to say hi _____ goodmorning ______ The people in this town look down on him, like hes a monster. Like he isnt normal. Hes probably in his late 40s, early 50s. Salt an Pepper hair, scruffy face, scruffy clothes, rough hands, and wheres white headphones (Im assuming to keep voices at bay). Hes a gentle giant. Ive never seen him be aggressive, Ive never heard him be aggressive. Hes struggling to be accepted at that age in a very undeserving community. Im really ashamed of some of the people here, who treat him like hes less than human. A girl, who shops in our store, will not leave the store until this man walks away from out front. She is afraid of that creepy man. A woman, in her early 60s comes with her husband, her louis vuitton bag, her fraud coco chanel earrings, and her hoity toity personality to buy Half and Half, my schizophrenic friend gets in line behind her to pay for his coffee... she looks back and says Oh I have to stand in line in front of this?! He can hear you. Hes not deaf. Youre rude. This is an every day thing though. The schizo coffee addicted man isnt always there, and he isnt always the topic of these peoples miseries, but when hes been around its been more severe. Well, until you start asking people if theyd like to Donate to the Special Olympics and they reply No thanks, I dont like retards. -- Ive stopped asking, and I make a personal donation everyday. Its part of my job to promote the charity drive we are supporting. My inner being, is hurt and devastated when I hear responses like that. Why should I donate to special needs? Im special! They dont need my funding, they get funded through the state, theyre retards. A simple no thank you, would suffice. I wish there were a way I could respond to the negativity, in a professional polite manner. I usually just clam up, and keep quiet, whilst feeling the overwhelming urge to break down and cry. These people are really getting to me. Every single one of them. A few days ago it was National Happy Day, and a girl ran down the street handing out Happy Faced Balloons to every one, and a co-worker of mine who doesnt give two shits about his job, says Why the hell are there happy face balloons everywhere? I think to myself, Its sad... Its so sad that we live in a world where we have to have a national day just to be happy. If you cant be happy that you woke up this morning, and embrace the fact that you got to live another day... Then, seriously... I dont even know what to say to you. I choose to be happy. I choose to wear a smile proudly. I hope it infects everyone, because the misery is wearing on my being and I honestly, wont be able to take it much longer.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 15:25:41 +0000
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