Lately Ive been thinking about my husband. Trying to remember what it was like to be loved like that. I try to remember the last few days of his life and I try to forget the agony I suffered. Fate handed me this raw deal and I did everything I could to escape the pain. I ran, I avoided I tried to drown myself in activities so I couldnt feel anymore. Because whenever I allowed myself to feel I felt helpless. My body ached from years of crying and mourning and sorrow. And when I hear of people experiencing the same kind of torture my heart aches. My heart goes back to that place and Im flooded with sorrow. And every time I think Im finished. I think Im ok grief drags me back albeit kicking and screaming. Maybe there will never be an end to it. I guess when you love someone so much and they just leave your heart never truly recovers. You just learn to live with the pain and it does get easier, it does get lighter but currently its been very heavy. But I press on, I wont allow it to ruin my life the way it did. And Ill continually guard my heart. Because its the well spring of life. Thank you Lord for carrying me when I couldnt walk, for dragging me out of bed when I didnt have the strength, for bringing joy back to my life when only sorrow existed. And thank you for allowing a crazy messed up chick like myself to do ministry and for allowing me to bring the kingdom every single day to the broken, hurting, the sick, the lost and everyone in between.
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 03:33:48 +0000
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