Let me take a moment and allow you into my heart. Most of you who know me well enough, know that Im cynical and that much of the time I have a tough and sometimes bitter exterior. I mostly choose not to let others in. And the reason for that is because my heart is much larger than most will ever see and when its touched, its very hard for me to control my emotions. I dont try to hide the fact that Ive been around the block and no matter how embarrassing that it may be now that Im older, I understand that Im a weathered stone and its made me who I am. I never started out to be that kind of man! From the time I was old enough to understand love, thats all I ever wanted. I wanted a wife and children to give every bit of myself to. Carley came along 16 years ago and Ive never been more excited to see a part of my heart living on the outside of my chest. Ive watched her grow into this incredible woman who is beautiful from the inside out. Who sees the best in things and has compassion for all walks of life. I dont know how she sees things in the way she does, but she is incredible and shes taught me so much. Quite a bit of time passed and then I found Kristen. And the timing couldnt be better! I was in a dark place and had no direction. But she made me laugh and she was always so patient with me and my inconsistencies. It wasnt long till she had my heart and following close behind was a present shed give me that Id always wanted. On May 20th, 2011 at 12:37pm, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy weighing in at 8 lbs 13 oz and measuring 20 inches long. From the second I laid eyes on him, my tough exterior began to crumble. I found out that day that a surgical mask can roughly contain a cup and a half of snot and tears. I was so worried that day for Kristens health, which was not too good prior to delivery, as well as Raydens. I was praying so hard that theyd stay healthy. That first night was tougher than expected. I was going on thirty-something hours of no sleep and Kristen was on so much pain medication, she was in and out of consciousness. When she was up, she wanted her baby and did everything she was supposed to without any training. And I must say that it was amazing to witness a mothers instinct kick into gear. After everyone had left, the nurse came in and ordered Kristen to get some sleep, that shed be needing a lot of rest to make food for the baby. She then turned to me and asked if she could take him to the nursery and let me get some sleep as well. But I couldnt do it! He felt too good to be true. At that moment, I felt like being a daddy carried more weight than all the medical degrees in that hospital. I turned out the lights and grabbed that boy and placed him on my chest and he slept comfortably for the first time that entire day. Im not sure if I wasnt able to sleep because I was afraid of dropping him or if SIDS would take him, never the less, I kept him warm and tight right there with me until morning. I know you all have your judgements and you have that right, but to this day, when night night comes, he crawls up next to his daddy for sleepy time. Hes mamas boy, but that is our thing and it always will be until hes ready to let go and take flight. In a little more than 14 hrs, this baby boy will be three years old and like his sister, he has taught me maybe more than I will ever teach him. He has taught me that its ok to show your heart, because thats what I want him to know. Its not about the toughness you and your friends display in crowds drenched with testosterone. Hes taught me that even though my words may not mean much, that a mans words mean everything! Because that is the trait that I want for my son. Hes taught me that the respect for a woman should be held with the utmost respect! Again, because that is the gentleman I want my son to be. Hes taught me that its ok to fail! Because I know that its impossible for someone to be the best all the time and just because you fail, doesnt mean youre a failure or destined to remain that. These are just a few of the many things my children have taught me along with faith, compassion, empathy, honor, and respect. I have been blessed beyond measure, though I do not deserve such a blessing. Happy Birthday, Bubby! Daddy loves you very much and Im so happy you completed this family. Im proud to see you open your heart to people everyday just as your sister did and in the true spirit of your mother. You guys got the very best parts of me and I will love you always, in this world and the next! Nothing will ever separate our love for one another, not even death. -Daddy
Posted on: Tue, 20 May 2014 01:55:39 +0000
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