Lets talk about things that could only happen in Leslies world. Years ago Janice Okerlund said that my life was hilarious, and I said no, the way you talk about my life is hilarious but now I am beginning to think she was on to something. Few things you should know first 1. I am modest, very modest, dont go to the bathroom in front of people, ever! I wont go on the side of the road no matter how much my bladder is about to burst. 2. I dont get undressed in front of people, I lock the bathroom door when showering because my crazy friends are not to be trusted. So like I was saying I am modest, I embarrass very easily on certain subjects, especially around strangers. Today was a day like any other day. Woke up raring to get to work because I have a lot to do and cant seem to ever catch up. At 11 am I go to lunch every day. It is the same routine, leave work, drive home, pick up Parker and take him to daycare and back to work. He was especially excited to get there today since he had not seen Paul and his buddies Puck and Ophelia since last Wednesday. He jumped out of the car and ran for the door and even barked as if to tell Paul hurry up and open the door! I laughed and handed him off to Paul and said I would see him after work. I was back at work on the phone with a client when a text came through. Paul: Call me when you have a chance so I can tell you what Parker did. Hmmmm thats odd. Phone rings, its Paul but I am on the other line, he leaves a voicemail Call me as soon as you can about Parkers Parables Now I am worried and I am trying to finish what I am doing so I can call. I call Paul and he answers. Paul what is going on!?! He proceeds to tell me that Parker took a package off the kitchen counter that was his roommates and he tore it apart and ate what was inside... All I can think is Chocolate, or maybe some type of Ming Vase worth a fortune... even though taking something off the counter and shredding it is not his style, I reluctantly ask what it was. He pauses, he clears his throat, its a, I mean it, ummm really, I think. Paul, what was it? Well....my roommate works for......ummm....Passion Parties... OMG I think, god only knows what he is about to tell me. so he ate part of a ...well...a dildo, ok it was a dildo I try not to laugh but this is beyond ridiculous to me. So I begin to ask humiliating questions such as -Whats it made of -How big was it -Etc Well it was a Doc Johnson Realistic..... PAUL I DONT NEED THE NAME BRAND! Paul- Oh it was a 8 and he ate the tip Leslie- only the tip? Paul- well about 4 inches of it Leslie- What!?!?! Paul-I gave him hydrogen peroxide to make him throw up but he hasnt Leslie- Ok I am going to have to call the Vet, whats it made of? as I imagine how that call is going to go and how stupid I am going to feel. Paul- Silicone Leslie- Ok I will call you back, keep an eye on him I hang up and get ready to dial the Vet, please god let a girl answer I dont want to have to talk to a guy about this. Ring Ring Ring ... an eternity. Hello Southwest Animal Hospital, this is Carol speaking I pause, compose myself, and say in a low slow tone I have something really embarrassing to talk to you about.... As I proceed to recount the days events to her, she started to laugh but quickly composed herself. well if you are worried that it will poison him, it will not, but you need worry about blockage I can picture myself shifting through poop looking for god knows what. She then tells me to try more hydrogen peroxide and keep an eye on him. I call Paul back and tell him to keep and eye on him. He keeps apologizing prefusly and I tell him it is no problem. About an hour and half later I get a text from Paul Im beginning to think it was not Parker found more pieces in my dogs bed they sleep in I knew it, though I could totally see Parker running with wild abandon with a giant Doc Johnson in his mouth and eventually destroying it like one of his toys, I could not see him pulling a box off a counter and shredding it. Thats my Boy! and thats a day in the life of me, because seriously this shit can only happen to me!
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 04:54:14 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015