Letters to Heaven 20th December 2014 Darling baby Oscar, Mummy is so sorry if it upsets you when I cry.... I cried enough tears yesterday, through the night and today to fill an ocean. I know that no child likes to see their mummy upset or sad but I am at a loss without you. I have so many amazing, kind and caring friends surrounding me... but yet the immense loneliness is overwhelming.... I try to be together as much as possible, I try to smile so that people do not think I am going Mad or not coping. My heart broke the other day when someone said Are you not over it yet? Time is meant to be a healer... Its been over a month!.... I felt at that moment that I had slipped back into the hospital room when I was in labour with you and they scanned me...... The doctor couldnt make eye contact with me as she turned to me and said those fatal words..... Im sorry.. Those words ring in my head, haunt me and break my heart that little bit more. I calmly walked away from him, sat in my car and screamed, crying at the sheer audacity that I should be over loosing my baby, the life that had grown inside me, the life I so desperately wanted, the life we both fought for.... my precious son. I wont allow myself to be cross as how would he understand? How would anyone understand unless they too had said goodbye to a baby or child.... Its not fair to allow myself to be cross at him but through our charity to educate people that being public is not for sympathy or competition with another sad, sad story, but to raise awareness of how devastating it is. The rollercoaster of emotions, the day by day struggle to get up, go to work and face everyone with a smile. Answer the how are you questions with I am ok thank you. Oscar you have given me strength, compassion and determination that we will help ease the pain and suffering of other mummies and daddies and that your name will always be spoken, always be cherished and always live on in the heart of so many. Why did we call your charity Oscars Wish? Because it was always my wish to be a mummy, to have a child call Mummy and be able to answer Yes darling Mummys here........ now I will see you in my dreams and hear you call me from heaven. Keep warm tonight wrapped in your angel wings, its cold out there xxx Sleep upon your star tonight xx Loving you every second that passes xx Mummy xxx
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 21:57:57 +0000
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