Little did I know, while I was celebrating the last month of being 18, something bigger than my plans and understanding had taken flight. A few short weeks after my 19th birthday, was probably the most selfish I had ever been in my entire life. Not only was I terrified but I was angry. Every plan I had for the future would now forever be changed. It was MY future. It was MY life that was now being forced to change. I could not fathom why God would do this to ME. I would no longer be able to do what I wanted to do. I wasnt ready. Everything I wanted for myself would now have to be given up. I never planned for this. I even took all precautions for this to NOT happen. MY life was now over. All too often, God presents things in your life when you feel you arent ready. And 7 years ago to this day, I finally began to understand. And since that day, Tuesday, September 25, 2007, my thoughts completely shifted. My future became HIS future. My life became HIS life. Instead of asking God why, everyday since then, I have thanked God. Everything I wanted to accomplish in life was still there, but now I had a reason to do so. When I thought my life was over, it really had just begun. Some things are just bigger than us and our own understanding. Looking back, I cringe at my selfish, cruel thoughts. I cant even imagine my life without my sweet but ornery, perfect baby boy. And even though he is now 7, like all parents say, hell always be my baby. When some people speak of love, they talk as if each day the love grows stronger and you love more than the previous day. Since that fateful Tuesday 7 years ago, I loved him more than I loved myself, anyone else, a love that is so great I would gladly give my life so he is able to have life. A love that brought myself and his daddy to tears looking at him in all his perfection. And that love has not withered or grew. I still love him with my entire heart plus some. And in a heartbeat would still give him mine. And to not have him, my life would serve no purpose or meaning. To quote from The Fault in our Stars, some infinities are bigger than others, well the love I have felt for this precious baby boy and continue to feel, has got to be the greatest of all infinities.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 16:57:28 +0000