Long rambling introspective status updates are not generally my thing. But, after about 7 years posting on this sucker, I will allow myself to make an exception. I went thru a divorce when I was 25. It was one of the more brutal things in my life. But I can honestly say that there have been dissolution of friendships, particularly with female friends, that have cut me deeper and taken longer to heal. In my experience, when a marriage ends, people are possible shocked, or concerned, but much more willing to abide by what happens within a marriage is between two people rules. When a friendship dissolves, particularly two women, everyone wants to know the dirt - who did what and to whom and how many times. It is juicy, I know. I am much the same. Its our own personal Americas Got Beef - where we hear the one-sided assessments ( possibly both sides separately, if we know both people) and nod or make sympathetic noises, or internally shrug off the person as crazy and overreacting and thank God were not part of *that* particular drama. As they spin out their details as to why they are entitled to their anger. To their sorrow. To their hurt. I have been staring at this more closely of late. This time last year? Id just finished celebrating a joint birthday with a woman who was on the fast track to becoming one of my closest friends. Our alliance would not survive the first month of the Polar Vortex. This is made particularly uncomfortable because during that time, many of our shared interests led to me introducing her to various circles and activities that I enjoy. One in particular is overlapping of late. It is an activity that she leapt into with gusto, and I took a bit longer to pursue. She has been very successful (Why wouldnt she be?) and seems to be largely loved by many (why wouldnt they be charmed by the same things I was? Shes a very talented and smart woman) and our circles are narrowing. We will be in the same showcase next week, and theres a possibility we may even be in our next class together. I am put in mind of a quote I read somewhere that relationships ultimately dissolve because the involved parties could no longer be consistently kind to one another. As various people have observed and questioned my nervousness or flinching when we have been in the same room, my list of grievances, my petition for pain validation, has included a litany of all the offenses that led to the demise of our friendship. But it doesnt make me feel any better. It doesnt make the reasons why more satisfying. It doesnt make their love and admiration of her any less validated. It simply is. Someone came into my life for half a year. They have been absent the last half. They will return soon, but not as before, because we could no longer be consistently kind to one another. Thats the whole story. So far as I can tell it.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 22:55:51 +0000
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