Looking back on the road I have been on I get a little bit emotional. The days of being in the wheel chair, the loss of my education and my personal control of my life. The humiliation of being disabled and all that goes with it, the desperation of trying to get control of my mind during the time i was going insane from it all. The over medication of my body and the loss of control of my emotions. The loss of my love of my life and family through it all. The entire change of my very being. The slipping away of who I thought I was. The very breaking of my heart and self. The looks I got, the attitudes and the loss of friends as I slipped away as a person into desperate abandoned and insanity. Seeing a man who I thought was strong and unbeatable being beaten by something out of my control from with in my body. Then going through being used by payee after payee and people who used me to beat each other up or to build their own confidences just to throw me away after they got what they needed. Watching my material things just walk away, things I had built and worked hard for, for years to attain,,,,,,my very memories being taken and sold off. Losing what life I thought I had built and watching it be wiped away like a dirty floor. Then the struggle started. I was not totally lost. I had some sort of fight left in me. The days where trying to walk hurt and was very painful. The emotional demons I had to pin to the floor. The thoughts of depression and loneliness I had to over come. The self confidence that I had little of before and was wiped completely out that i had to regain in a healthy way..... The struggle to get medical help when there was none. The attitudes from people who had judged me for what emotions I went through and the mental difficulties i had to go through due to over medication and stroke. The everyday struggle to see that eventually I would over come all of these things. Looking back at all of these memories and of my life these last few years I have come to the ability to enjoy my life, gain strength from all of this. I live now everyday healthy and as a mirical. I do not take anything for granted nor do i ever wish my life to end. I have a purpose I have dreams now and a future that I work on. I have a job to do to help others that are going through the same thing...... I waited and got through all of this some times days, weeks, months, and even 5 minutes at a time. I never gave up nor will I ever give up till my last breath. For today I am a different man, stronger, more willing and humble. A new human living for truly what is and not what could be or could have been. A better friend, a more honest man, a truly loyal friend, and a honorable soul in training....... I love differently, I live differently, and through all of this the future looks way better from here on out...... Nothing is impossible as long as I keep this strength and resolve to change things and make a better life for my family, my self, and some day for others I am truly a blessed man today...........for I have no fear...............a healthy body, and a growing healthy mind.........I survived this where most do not.......... So look at your life today, you can survive anything you just have to wait for it, get through it, and gain strength from it. Do not let this life beat you no matter what situation you are in.............
Posted on: Sun, 22 Sep 2013 00:04:36 +0000
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