Losing my family, largely through the fact that I turned away from the church and divorced, was one of the hardest blows Ive taken in my life. Im still reeling. I simply was not prepared for how life shattering it was going to be. And yet, I knew it was going to be life altering in monumental ways, because I held onto a faith I did not believe in and a marriage I was not invested in for over 15 years, simply because I knew the consequences would be just this cataclysmic. Even still, the impact was more devastating than I could have imagined. What followed, however, was the greatest miracle I have experienced in my life. The realization and the coming together with other disenfranchised souls who have been through what I have. The family of choice that has chosen me, and that has gathered around me and loved me without condition or blood relation of any kind. The amount of people who have rallied around me, lifted me, and even come to me for support and advice, thus boosting my self worth and my own ability to function and to feel like the rest of my life is worthwhile, even without the traditional family structure I knew so well. The only thing I have known up until three and a half years ago. If I were to go down my list of people and point them all out directly, it would take all day. But Im going to attempt to list a few of them here, and in the next few days. The rest of you know who you are, and please, know that I love you all. Each of you here on this page who read my posts and understand my words and listen to my stories are dear and kindred to me, and I could not do this without you. I have lost so much, but gained in abundance. And for that I am so truly blessed. Richard, you have replaced the gaping hole in my heart. You are my family now. You are my everything. We have so much in common; all of my great sorrows in life have been your great sorrows. It must have been written in the stars that we would pull each other through these hideous challenges, because they are deeply inhuman, fairly uncommon for both partners in a relationship to undergo at the same time, and sometimes I wonder how we wound up together in just such a way to empathize so perfectly with each other. Susie McCarty, you have come back into my life to become a role model that I look to every day. You surround yourself with beauty, art, literature, and positive energy. I look up to you so much. Youve taken me under your wing and made me feel worthwhile. Youve become almost like a long lost aunt or relative to me, and I cant thank you enough for your guidance and constant encouragement and support. I need it more than you know during this critical time. Patty McIlrath Martin, where on earth did an angel like you come from? Your strength in overcoming your physical challenges and defying the world with your happy spirit overwhelms me. You are dear to my heart. Never change, and linger with us forever. You have touched me so deeply that I will never be the same. Caprice Post, you have become my sister in every way, and have made up for the 4 that I lost in the devastating aftermath of my defection from the church and my marriage. You have been so completely accepting and forgiving at every turn, and I am unworthy of such perfect friendship. Tom J. Post, ditto. Youve been there to act as a bodyguard and protector, watching over me since I was 7 years old, all the way into the very present. My film critic friends, who built me up and allowed me the chance to have a voice in the media among the boys club all these years, especially the late Jeff Michael Vice, whose ebullient memory will ever make me smile inside. The original screenwriters group, who were there to witness Richard and I as we discovered a very quickly burgeoning love, and supported us and have been happy for us along the way. The endless amounts of Facebook friends who have simply reached out to me with notes, private messages, compliments, or simply stopped me on the street or at events to talk to me or share their experiences. The high school friends who have reached out to reconnect with me and tell me what they thought of me back then, and struck up friendships I never would have imagined (Im lookin at you, Megan Candrian!) You have all made the most searing losses of my life turn into triple fold gains. And most of all, my two loving children, without whom life would be drab and dull as a sunless summer. I love them with all my heart. I love all of you for holding me, for reaching out to me, for accepting me for who I am and refraining from judging me for my life choices, my mistakes, my impossible flaws, for the reality of me. Good God I am grateful that there is an ever growing family out there willing to take on the black sheep, the outcasts, the lost. Because I would not have survived without you. A friend recently told me that I do not have the luxury of skipping out--now, after all I have suffered, is the time to produce my most transcendent art. The stuff that will hopefully move others and help me to embrace all of you back as you have embraced me. I cling to the that hope and want to return back to you what you have given to me in kind. Rhythmically pulsing signals of hope, like a lighthouse cutting through the fog on misty shores. I hope this prediction was accurate. So again, thank you, Richard, for being the sun around which I revolve, for writing with me, for watching movies with me, for reading with me and keeping me going. And thank you to each of you for being the foundation upon which I could build a new life and stand on my own two feet, independent of the things that would bring me down and hold me by chains to something, and someone, that I am not. My head is bloody but unbowed. I stand tall, because of all of you. Thank you, loved ones, for being here with me. You can never know the love I feel in my heart for you.
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 04:02:24 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015