Losses ... we all experience them. They are an inevitable and unavoidable part of Life. We experience the losses through death, through divorce, through rejection, abandonment, diminishing health, growth, change, relocation, career-derailments, sickness, aging, and a myriad of less-obvious losses. Soul-amputations. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that tells us to get over it ... to let go and move on ... which is truly more about their desire for comfort, than for our own benevolence. I am uncomfortable with your raw emotions, you are triggering my own repressed pain, and I am determined to keep it safely hidden away, so would you please stiffen that upper lip and get back on track, now? Squelching grief, or deeming our loss to be not a big deal (& therefore denying our need to grieve), is detrimental to our well-being ... and can cause long-term damage. Grieve deeply, for as long as it takes. I was inspired to ponder these thoughts, by a conversation on a friends wall ... for nearly a year now, Ive witnessed her courageous and open navigation through the aftermath of losing her beloved husband (& best friend, & lover - yes, the same man) last year. She was adored and treasured by that man, which makes the loss all the more profound. Yes, while its true that its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all ... when the love is profound, so, too is the bittersweetness in the wake of the absence. She has bravely expressed her heart, and bared her soul, as she blazes a trail through the unfathomable loss of the love of her life. She has been ravaged wide-open ... and yet she stands. I believe her survival, and her emerging thrival, are due to her willingness to be *open* to this, and to fully allow all that she feels and experiences ... without apology. I wrote this on her wall: Within the human heart, there is room for both celebrating a life, blessing the evolution of a soul, AND honoring the pain of loss. Losses hurt. Grieving is how we heal from the losses. We must go as deep into the grief as we can, and remain there, as long as is valid and required ... this, too, is part of the evolution of our own soul. It takes what it takes, and its a part of life ... not what we get over with so we can return to life. Even after years of authentic grieving, even after we have relished the other joys in life, intermittent forays into griefs embrace are not only to be expected, but accepted. Susan Showalter ... thank you for being allowed to witness your achingly-human journey through your grief ... may you feel Ricks presence tomorrow ... you are a hero to me.
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 16:22:50 +0000
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