Love, Sorrow, and Attachment Gautama Buddha once said: ” I teach one thing and one only: that is, suffering and the end of suffering.” And what causes this suffering? He answers this question in his four Noble Truths: “The origin of suffering is attachment.” Attachment. Does it not ring true? I think back to the news, to the stories I’ve heard, to my past. A young woman kills herself when she is disfigured in an accident – attachment to her looks. A colleague started screaming and yelling when her position at work was disrespected – attachment to her status. A friend flies into a violent rage when he finds his parked car dented by a stranger who had long fled the scene. A young man jumps off a building when his wife left him for another. Another goes on a drinking binge that lasts for weeks. A third gets fired from his job – Attachment to their lovers. The impermanency of all things is something that we know, deep down inside, and yet we refuse to acknowledge. We know it – we have to, but we spend all our might trying to forget it. Nothing is permanent. Our life, our health, our wealth, our lovers and enemies, our happiness and sorrows – they all disappear one day. Everything ends. And when they do, our attachments – our feeble clinging and grasping, our rage and mightiest efforts to hold on… Isn’t that the cause of so much of our misery? And if you think back to your past, you might be forgiven for thinking that Love is the cause of your sorrows. But it’s not – love is attachment, Love – Love, with a capital L – that is freedom from attachment! The end of attachment “I love you!” you exclaim. You swear it under the stars. You shout to the ocean that all you want is for her to be happy. And the next day, when your back is turned, your beloved sleeps with a handsome stranger, for it makes her happy. Then what has happened to your sweet nothings? Nothing – for that was exactly what they were. If you meant what you said – why the anger, why the broken heart? If you meant it, you would have been overjoyed – she was happy, just like you wanted. Your love was flawed, it was selfish – the opposite of Love, the perfect selfless Love. And the biggest myth is that Love is impossible; that it is the domain of mystics, saints and masters. I remember discussing this with a friend, many years ago. He argued forcefully that this was a mere story tale, that we can’t achieve it, nor should we even try. But is that true? Everyone has glimpses of Love, even in the clinginess of a “normal” relationship. Sometimes, it happens just by accident – maybe the ego just forgets to step in for a few minutes. Or maybe things are going so well, and you are just overflowing with so much joy. In those moments, no matter what happens, there will be no pain. When the selfish little “me” is not there, when all your thoughts are on the other, where is the attachment, where is the pain? The world of form, of things and objects – I have so often heard that they are like clouds. Let them float by, without grasping at them. How can you grasp at clouds? They come, they go – we have no control. But how? How do we stop grasping? For some, this realisation is enough. They simply allow themselves to stop. For others, this realisation makes everything worse. They have been clinging and grasping their whole lives, and now you tell them they shouldn’t have, and that’s an another layer of sorrow. How, then? How? Just Love. Start with yourself, and let it overflow until you love completely. For when you love everything you are attached to nothing. When you look at the clouds the same way you look at your lover, when you love each moment as deeply as the last – that is true freedom!......
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 09:51:21 +0000
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