MEDICAL REPORT I suffer from excess levels of book-purchasing hormone (BPH) - an incurable physiological problem with a distinctly-seasonal, acute character. BPH begins to enter the bloodstream in large quantities immediately after Shavuot (triggered possibly by cheese overdose?) and doesnt subside until well after Israel Book Week. During the rest of the year, my BPH levels remain relatively stable and controllable, although minor peaks are experienced during twice-annual crazy sales by Oxford University Press. Symptoms include an initial feeling of unease, followed by guilt at not yet having read last year’s acquisitions, culminating ultimately in frenzied anticipation, localized temporal headache associated with the inability to choose what to buy, hot flushes resulting from pathological list-making, fear of an empty wallet and paranoia at the thought of bumping into my bank manager. In previous years, the upside of the hormone’s effect was the thrill experienced in purchasing a title at half the price offered just a week earlier and the sale of books (content immaterial) by weight rather than by volume (homonymic pun intended). This year, there was no real price incentive and for the first time in living memory I ignored the alarming levels of BPH reported in my blood tests and simply did not go. I am writing this report from a rehab facility where we are fed unread books intravenously.
Posted on: Thu, 26 Jun 2014 20:46:34 +0000
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