MEMORIES and time! One year ago - today it was the 5th - an April - Friday - I was bringing Dean home from hospital for the last weeks of his life. Its really poignant to think about how - ALL THINGS - have changed since then! About how much distance & time has been traveled since that Friday 365+/- days ago, about how this life that ment more to me then my own was ending. I was bringing him home for the last days in this life. Sometimes like NOW the memories crowd me! - so complete - so detailed I can almost taste the food I ate, I can smell the coffee I made. I know! I REMEMBER it all - the events, the players, the emotions. I feel them again looking back from now as if it IS now. We are told by psycology that human memories change over time, people tend to enhance theyre own roll & diminish the input of others. We color our memories according to how we feel at the time we remember. I believe that maybe true for some I dont think its true for everyone. Some people choose to forget some brain chemistry is not able to remember - just as some cannot forget. Some choose or are not able to remember the painless parts, its a survival mechanism for sanity. Some people remember - every minute thing - the events, the sensory input, the interpersonal conflicts or comradery & the emotional turmoil as well. It is a gift and a curse all-in-one that one would experience the love, laughter, pain, loss, & passion over & over. If it was any other way how would we really EVER know where we have been, what was felt - and what has to be learned from it! Its like traveling the distances of lifes time - over and over. Like particles of light leaving the sun each day traveling to Earth in 8 minutes, only a moment in time - the flash of a thought or a memory. The journey of enegery occurring with each fragment of light originating from the sun. The distance back and forth - yet each time its different AND the same pieces of the origin. The same path traveled spreads out to come great. Maybe that is what life is - just starting from a first thought that becomes a memory. A moment reaching out into everything - its hard to hold it all together and to remember how it all is/was/could have been/should have been - GRIEF & REGRET. As the years go by we want to forget the painful things we want to put them away from our heart. We become only the summary of our memories, of our experiences, in the choises we have made OR that we have allowed others make for us. We are finally come to let it pass - as the way it is as it was. We choose and when weve exhausted the energy & spread out to the farthest reach we can - just like the particles of light - we stop - and become something else!
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 00:47:16 +0000
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