MISSING LINK ? After finally concluding my theory test papers on “Links between apes and humans”namely.. “Homo Erectus,” It would appear that the answer I was looking for to such a species, after decades of research, Was in actual fact, lurking in my very own local Tesco supermarket . Imagine my relief when I spotted an actual Living ,breathing specimin. There poised between the Fruit +Veg and Nuts +Raisens ,it stood Frothing. It was not a silverback as id first suspected but rather more like our own kind which supprised me really , It had markings down both arms that I painstakingly decoded into our tongue. On the left arm it read things like... “I luv my family, Right!?”, then listed all the names of its decendents and cats , dogs, ferrets etc etc and on the right arm it would read “ I ate immergrunts!”and “Pitbull owners are just misunderstood!” but what supprised me most was its pentetrating icy stare ,then without any warning whatsoever, even before I had the chance to get my “Buy One Get One Free Heinz Promo!” it leaped into action ,grabbing its young by the throat ,i recorded that the screaming high-pitched shrill was infact just one octave lower than a dogs whistle, saying things like , “Put The Effing thing down ya Geet,” and “Dont ya dare touch that or I’ll Keel ya man,! I scrambled back tearing up vynal floor tiles in my haste and distress ( Trying not to knock over any beans) ,but this did not seem to distract the species of enhanced strangeness, it then affixed its gaze upon me and with cheeks blowing like full sails against the wind,... it bellowed “ What yeee looking att ya great punce,wanna take a picture or sommat?” At this point i noticed that its toe nails were of various colours, lengths and textures, the likes of which id never seen before, this intrigued me immencely and has made me ponder about a local coarse in nail-care groaming at my local collage. Then... as I turned to exit I overheard the faint,yet still audible murmerings of the offspring , its native tongue was by far the more advanced than its elders and this supprised me too considering it seemed such a downtrodden individual, its grumble then became clearer and then similer in clarity and tone to the voice of an “Oxford university lecturer” Taking a stand in full vertical position and with head held high he clearer his throat and spokes... “Uh Hum...Mum? Dad? Is spacetime four dimentional and if not,does compactification work? I listened carefully as the shop floor fell silent, even the manager was poised, jaw open wide The silence lasted for what seemed like a cliche... Then... The male and female both said in unison, “Ooooo de ell cares ya num nut!”..”Wer nut ear fur this , wer ear fur burgers ya dounut!” Writer’s Disclaimer: *** I’VE NOW DECIDED TO TAKE UP NEEDLE-CRAFT AND TO START SHOPPING SOMEWHERE ELSE, MANY THANKS X ***
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 20:32:11 +0000
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